Assalamualaikum, Chi.
It's been exactly two months since you left us. I have to say, the first month was the hardest month I've ever been through. And then I make myself busy this month just so I can make you proud of me for moving on with my own life. I'd never understood the whole experience of losing someone because I still got both of my parents and my brother. But losing you last month, losing a cheerful little cousin I dearly love was too painful to even begin with.
I wish I could've taken you to places. I wish you didn't have to go through all of those painful days at the hospital. You have no idea how many wishes I have just so I could see your pretty face again. I miss seeing your bright smiles, I miss hearing your contagious laughs. I just really really miss you.
I still remember the last few days we spent together at the hospital. You wanted me to sing lullabies to you. It was really odd because usually, you couldn't stand any noise. Perahu Kertas by Maudy Ayunda, remember that? And then you told me to sing Nina Bobo with your name in it. I laughed for a bit but I sang it anyway because you were too cute and I just wanted you to sleep soundly. That was a beautiful memory I will never forget. I will cherish that for the rest of my life.
I know you, little munchkin. You would've wanted us to move on with our lives. Hell, even in your last day on earth, you wanted us to keep smiling and not crying.. at least not in front of you. You were literally the real sun in this dull life.
Can I say that I was too excited to spend the holiday with you?
It's true, you know. You told me that you would bring lots of snacks after you finished school and watch Running Man with me afterward. I was looking forward to that. But then again, we can't have everything in life, can we?
The wound is still fresh and I can't tell anyone because it will open up their freshly-healed wound. There are times where I hope this is just an awful dream; a nightmare that will disappear when I wake up. And then I realise that it's not a dream. This is reality. We lost you, I lost you.
Dek Uchi, we weren't that close and I regret that I never tried harder to get close to you. It just hurts when people say that I look a lot like you. I know that they mean it in a good way but hearing them say that sentence makes me wonder what would happen if I were the one who passed away instead of you. Maybe it would be less painful for our family because I'm really not an important member in it. You are loved by so many people in your life and I can't stop thinking that Allah is too cruel to take you away from us. I feel like it should be me, not you. We love you unconditionally, now and forever.
Rest in peace, Chi. Mbak Dina loves you no matter what happens.
Wassalamualaikum,
Dina Fadiah
I know you, little munchkin. You would've wanted us to move on with our lives. Hell, even in your last day on earth, you wanted us to keep smiling and not crying.. at least not in front of you. You were literally the real sun in this dull life.
Can I say that I was too excited to spend the holiday with you?
It's true, you know. You told me that you would bring lots of snacks after you finished school and watch Running Man with me afterward. I was looking forward to that. But then again, we can't have everything in life, can we?
The wound is still fresh and I can't tell anyone because it will open up their freshly-healed wound. There are times where I hope this is just an awful dream; a nightmare that will disappear when I wake up. And then I realise that it's not a dream. This is reality. We lost you, I lost you.
Dek Uchi, we weren't that close and I regret that I never tried harder to get close to you. It just hurts when people say that I look a lot like you. I know that they mean it in a good way but hearing them say that sentence makes me wonder what would happen if I were the one who passed away instead of you. Maybe it would be less painful for our family because I'm really not an important member in it. You are loved by so many people in your life and I can't stop thinking that Allah is too cruel to take you away from us. I feel like it should be me, not you. We love you unconditionally, now and forever.
Rest in peace, Chi. Mbak Dina loves you no matter what happens.
Wassalamualaikum,
Dina Fadiah
