Hey, I would love to say these things directly to you, but
you are too busy. And I’ve lost count how many time you told me that my calls
were just bothering you. I’ve come to realize, maybe.. you never love me.
I thought you would miss me after those 2 weeks, but you
don’t, do you? You don’t miss me at all. Isn’t it tragic that I miss you all
the time we were apart? That’s crazy. I mean, when I was busy with all those
homeworks or when I was alone in my room at 2 in the morning, you were always
coming into my mind. And I thought you would’ve missed me too. Apparently, I
was so wrong.
I should’ve known from the start.
You never said those words. The ‘L’ word. You never said it.
Instead, you just kissed me and told me to not talk about it. How could I do
that? You were my first kiss, you will forever be it. I can’t just forget it.
It was special to me, so were you. And again, I thought I was special for you
too.
On the fifth day.. you made me cry. You like to disappear
without explanation. At first, it was okay. And again, I thought I would get
used to it. But I can’t. You are just too complicated. I failed to understand
who you really are. I don’t expect you to understand me.. even part of me
wished to, I really don’t expect you to come to me and be like “I know you’re
not okay. Here, let me hug you”. That’s not you.
You’ve been gone for a week. And when I called you, why do I
have to ask “am I bothering you?” to you? Isn’t that unnecessary? I mean, I
basically your girlfriend (or am I not?). I’m tired, honest. I’m tired of
asking that, tired of hearing “yeah, you kinda bothering me” from your mouth.
What do you really want from me? Do you just want someone to
kiss without having a feeling? If you do, then I highly suggest you to leave me
immediately. Because I can’t do that. I can’t be your friend with benefits.
Either you like me or we just be friends, for good. I don’t like being dictate
by someone. I’m done with that and right now, I want to decide my own life.
I’m sorry, I don’t think ‘us’ can go through this.
You have your own world, the one which you’re not ready to
introduce me into. And I have mine, the one that I’m so comfortable with. And
even though I wanted to introduce you to my world, it seems like you’re not
willing to go deeper than you already are.
I love you, that’s a fact. So, that’s why I don’t want you
to suffer in our relationship. I’m letting you go. It will be hard, I know, but
at least I will still be alive. I will survive the heartbreak, I’ve done that
so many times before and I know that I will always survive. I wish you tons of
luck too. You are too precious to spend your life just smoking and drinking.
And anyway, you still can tell me your stories.. and jokes. I’d like to hear
them once again.
Semarang, November 2nd, 2014
Dina
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