I’ve been gone for a quite some
time, haven’t I?
There are literally so many things
going on in my life and I just don’t know what to do anymore. If I’m being
honest, I’m tired. This is all so overwhelming for me. All I want to do is
curling up in a ball and crying my eyes out.
But this is life.
It sucks at the moment but it will
get better.
I love my life in general but right
now I just hate it so much. Things are going out of control, my headache is
getting worse by each passing day but I still have a shitload of works to do.
People might say crying is a sign of
weakness. I completely disagree. From what I’ve known, most people crying
because they have been so strong for so long and it just a matter of time until
they break.
In my entire life, I always fear
failure.
My father always telling me to be
the best from the best. If I can’t then I basically fail to fulfill my duty as
his child, to please him. Thus I have to study and work even harder than
before.
And right now, I’m scared.
What if I fail to pass a certain
subject in college? What if I get a C on my report card? How is he gonna take
it? Am I gonna be a disgrace to my family?
I should be doing my final paper but
instead I’m writing on this stupid blog because I don’t know what to do
anymore. I’ve tried to talk to my bestfriend but it was useless. I’m still
having a lot of ‘what if’ questions swarming through my head.
My eyes are burning from my lack of
sleep and I haven’t got time to do any exercise. I wish it would be over
sooner. I wish the situation could be less hectic. I wish I could be strong for
a little bit longer.
I’m sorry for being a mess.
Mummy, I miss you and your soothing
words.
I don’t like Semarang. It’s crowded,
full with inconsiderate and selfish pricks who are willing to do anything to be
on the top. It’s also hot as fuck.
I want to go home.
Dina
