I apologize for my absence. Things aren't too great right now and I can't be bothered to write about topics that will make me dizzy in no time. So, I decided to write about what excites me.
Leaving 2015 behind was quite hard for me because even though I struggled with my body image (again), a lot of good things happened last year. I tend to make stupid decisions and sometimes doing idiotic stuffs, which of course, put me in trouble. In my defense, those two make great memories.
I had never felt confident in my whole life. But in 2015, I felt so confident. Yeah, it started with me found out that my ex cheated (with a high-school student for goodness sake). Not a great start. Although I'm somewhat happier that I'm not with him anymore, I feel sorry for him.
I don't know how or when things around me started looking up. But they did.
Watching One Direction in Jakarta will always be my favourite memory. It filled with excitement, happiness, but also sadness. But you know what? I wouldn't want it any other way. And I was blessed to see them with two of my close friends.
Other than that, I also finished #100happydays challenge on Instagram. I started it because I want to be happy. I needed more than a year to finish it but believe it or not, I am happier now. Sure, there are times when I feel like doing nothing but crying my eyes out. Although so, the important lesson from that challenge is that not to let certain things bother me and just focus on my happiness. So, I try to not let things affect me.
Let's not forget about Cerita Kita experience. It was exciting. And I'm truly honored to be chosen as one of the contributors. I feel so proud of myself for choose not to listen to those twats and not giving up on my dreams. I'm crying as I'm writing this because none of you has any idea how good I felt when they called my name. None of you knows how badly I want to be a writer/an author. And I reckon not all of you knows how sad I am whenever somebody tells me that having a literature degree is useless just like having a dream to be an author. I feel like I've proved myself worth more than they think I am.
Oh, I also started a job as a private tutor. Sure, it's not my dream job but as long as I can help my parents to pay their debts along with buying my own necessities, I'm not complaining. There are times when I feel so overwhelmed with things but my students know how to cheer me up. They never fail to amuse me. So, yeah, I'm probably in this for a long run.
2015 has taught me so many things.
I learned how to let people go. It's not and will never be easy, especially because I'm clingy as hell. But then I realized that not everyone is meant to stay in my life. They might stop for a while but then what? They will be gone before I realise it, they continue their journey of life without me. Back in my younger-self, I would be crying for a week straight and then I would start blaming myself for not being good enough for them. I had thought about this for a long time and then come to this question; why would I cling onto them so tightly when they obviously not care enough to stay?
Meanwhile #100happydays challenge also taught me how to love myself. I've been dealing with body-shaming for as long as I can remember and it brings nothing but low self-esteem. But now, I've learnt to not let people underestimate me just because I'm overweight. I've accepted my flaws. Fuck those wankers who think I can't do things on my own because I'm not skinny enough for their taste.
I also learned to be more vocal about what I have in mind. I mean, I used to watch things happen and held back comments because I was afraid. Which is actually stupid. I have rights to express myself, my opinions, my ideas. So, I started to be more vocal about it. For starters, I hate FPI (Front Pembela Islam) because they always make unnecessary ruckus among society. FYI, I would never write or say that a few years back since I was such a coward even for my own opinions.
Even though it's been more than a week since New Year's Eve, I would like to give a warm welcome to 2016. Not only because my annoying brother will graduate this year but I'm excited of what this year will bring. I'm excited for new memories. Sad or happy, who the hell cares? Both of them bound to happen anyway.
Unlike before, I'm welcoming this new year with a positive attitude. I'm also wishing for peace for the world. This world doesn't need anymore bastard, it needs open-minded people.
HELLO AND WELCOME, 2016! 😊😊
Kisses,
Dee
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