Being Fake
I've been clean from harming myself for 6 years now. But lately, things are getting too loud in my head. All I wanna do is lay in bed and cry myself to sleep. Unfortunately, I can't do that, can I? I can't talk about this to my mother either; she will scold me or tell me to pray more. I'm crying while writing this post. Is it wrong to fake my emotions? Since being admitted to a mental hospital last May, I feel like I can't think straight. All I wanna do is die. My thoughts are not about self-harm again. Suicidal thoughts are running wildly on my mind and I can't do anything to stop it. Sure, I have my medications from my psychiatrist, but it doesn't lessen my urge to run to the middle of the road just to get run over by a truck. Everything hurts. Not physically, of course. My mind keeps telling me just how unworthy I actually am. I don't deserve to be loved, that's why men always left me hanging. Let's be honest, yeah? Who would like to be seen ...