A woman's little note

Honestly, I don't know why I'm writing this, but I need to pour out what I've been feeling without making other people uncomfortable. Things have been crazy. My last post was written when I was still in a bad headspace, and it was probably one of my worst depressive episodes I've had for the past 2 years. I was in a depressive state for like a week straight. I snapped too hard to the point that I might hurt my mother's feelings. I told her how I felt all this time. I guess part of me had had enough of how my own family trampled on my feelings and expected me to be okay with that. But, how could I? When I was a kid, I used to get beaten and yelled at almost every day because my father got so stressed out at work. Even when I got a perfect score on my exams, I was still at fault. My childhood was so full of expectations. I had to be the best at everything, and I did. I ranked 1st almost every semester during my primary school. I graduated 2nd in middle school, which, ...

Terkadang, kita gak perlu banyak orang buat ngasih berjuta saran dan solusi. Kita cuma butuh seseorang yang mau mendengarkan cerita kita dari awal sampe akhir. Cerita sedih, bahagia, bimbang, semuanya. Karena kelegaan sebenarnya bukan berasal dari saran yang mereka berikan, kelegaan itu berasal dari perhatian mereka saat mendengarkan cerita kita. Di jaman yang serba maju ini, kita bisa mudah mendengarkan curhatan seseorang melalui berbagai media. Via telepon atau video call , misalnya. Meskipun tidak ada skinship, kita tetap bisa mendengarkan cerita orang lain. Tapi sayangnya, kemudahan ini justru sering dijadikan alasan untuk menganggap remeh cerita seseorang. Sebagai contoh, ketika kita sedang curhat dengan seoirang teman namun dia malah sibuk sendiri dengan ponselnya. Sebel. Kesel. Kecewa. Tapi nggak bisa ngapa - ngapain.  Mending nggak usah cerita sekalian daripada lagi serius - seriusnya cerita eh malah enggak diperhatiin gitu. As a survivor myself , it is still hard to find s...

I can't believe I'm writing about being braless but this is what I have in mind for the past couple of days and I just get it out of my system. Yes, I can write this on other social media such as Facebook and Instagram, or even rant on Twitter. But this is probably gonna be a long narrative so why not write here on my blog, right? I need to keep this blog alive somehow. When I was a kid, specifically when I just started to wear a bra, people were telling me that a woman should always wear bras, be it for indoor or outdoor activity. If I didn't obey it, then my boobs would get saggy and all over the place. Being a kid myself, of course, I'm afraid and eventually adhere to what people say. I don't want my boobs to get saggy, what would boys think of me?! I wanna have pretty boobs so I can get a boyfriend that loves me with all he has.  These were my thoughts when I started to wear bras. I was too naive. All I had in mind was getting dolled up and being p...

Hi, believe it or not I have lots of notes that are waiting to be uploaded. Every time I start writing something, it always ends up in my draft folder. Sorry for being busy in the past couple of months.. After losing my cousin, I felt like nothing even mattered anymore. Crying has been one of the things I do often lately. My chest is heavy like all the time and I've run out creative ideas. I don't want the depression coming back into my life but right now, I feel like it's ghosting around me.. waiting to be greeted. In my whole life, I always worry about stupid things. I worry about my grades, my family, my friends, my work, I even worry about how people look at me. Even though my mum says I shouldn't think too much about people's perception of me. Too bad I can't control it. People have always had high expectations when it comes to life. I was often in the top ten in class while I was in school. From the first moment I got my A, my family ...

Earlier today, I met some amazing women. Ceritanya, gue lagi antri untuk pijet karena bahu gue sering sakit belakangan ini. Nah, waktu antri ini ternyata lebih dari separuh pasien itu ibu-ibu. Emang dasarnya gue gak terlalu ngerti mereka ngomong apa, gue milih buat diem dan ngedengerin musik di Spotify. I had no idea that they've been suffering some serious injuries. Ada yang jatuh dari motor, kepleset, sampe nabrak pintu. Gue baru ngeh setelah salah satu ibu itu nidurin anaknya pake satu tangan. Kemudian gue juga gak sengaja liat kaki kanannya yang bengkak parah. Gue aja ngeri sendiri liatnya. Tapi si ibu ini justru bilang "Aduh, Mbak. Ini udah jauh lebih baik kok. Sebelumnya malah item banget, dibuat jalan susahnya minta ampun". Gue kaget, bingung mau bales apa. Eh tiba-tiba salah ada yang nyeletuk "Kok bisa sampe separah itu sih, Bu?" Si ibu yang lagi nidurin anaknya itu cuma senyum kecil sebelum ngejawab dengan enteng "Iya, Bu. Waktu saya abis jatuh kan...

I'd like to start this post with a simple thank you to my parents and my bestfriends  +Sri Rejeki Handayani  and  +ulin nuha  for always believe in me. And of course, for  +Gogirl! Magazine  and CleanAndClear for this huge opportunity. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful and honored to be involved in such a huge event :) Sekitar satu atau dua bulan yang lalu, aku lagi iseng buka laman Facebook , kebetulan ada advertisement tentang Casting Call untuk kontributor Cerita Kita Batch 2. Ada 5 kelas yang akan dimentori oleh orang-orang yang berpengalaman; Photography Class, Beauty Class, Graphic Design Class, Fashion Styling Class, dan Writing Class . Karena aku memang udah suka nulis sejak jaman sekolah, aku mutusin buat daftar ke Writing Class. Honestly , gak pernah terlintas di benakku akan lolos ke final. Aku bahkan sebenernya udah lupa kalo pernah daftar acara ini. Sampe kira-kira 2 minggu yang lalu, aku dapet telpon dari nomer Jakarta waktu...

It’s been a while, I know. To start off, I’d like to apologize. I was too wrapped up with my new job and writing fics. There were a couple of times when I really wanted to write here, but again, I was too lazy (covering my face with a pillow because I’m so ashamed right now). So, everyone knows I’m single (I’ve been.. for a while now). And most of the time, I’m not complaining about that because being single is just amazing. I can be friends with whoever I want, I can cuss whenever I like (although I don’t cuss a lot in real life), and of course, I don’t have to share any food. The thing is.. there are also times when I just want someone to hold me when I cry, telling me it will be okay. Yes, I have great best friends, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. But still, I want someone to give me attention, goof around with me, and love me no matter what stupid acts I will do in the future. The thought of someone whispering nothing but sweet words.. it’s soothing. I want to ...

Oh, hellooooooo! Sorry I've been MIA (Missing In Action) for a month but to my defense, I was really busy with a lot of activities and then I was sick for about a week. Sick, like.. really sick. I was hospitalized for 3 days and I had to take medicines for the next 5 days. I couldn't do anything. I could barely walk and eat properly. So yeah, it felt a lot like I was grounded because I couldn't touch my laptop, only my phone. But other than that, you could say I'm healthy now. I would like to hug and kiss my parents, especially my mom because they were there when I needed them the most. New semester! I'm officially a senior now. And to think a year could go that fast... such a mindblowing (I still remember perfectly I was a freshman last year, a junior). I'm including to those who have to make this kind of "welcoming celebration". Not exactly a celebration, we call it " Ospek " here in Indonesia but whatever. But for the reminder, i...

According to Wikipedia.. Premenstrual syndrome  ( PMS ), also called  premenstrual tension  ( PMT ) is a collection of  emotional  symptoms, with or without physical  symptoms , related to a woman's  menstrual cycle . As for me, PMS is hell. I always  have cramps,  food cravings, tender breats, depression, and of course, mood swings. But it is the only time in a month I can be mad everything and no one will fight me back. Of course it's not right to use PMS as an excuse but who the hell cares? I easily get irritated, whether I'm on my period or when PMS attacks me. And truth to be told, I find everything and everyone is annoying. Like, when my bestfriends calling me names as a joke, if I'm not PMS-ing I'm just gonna flip that off and laugh with them but it is a whole different deal when the PMS attacks. I will be another person, it's like satan sneaks up to me (too much?). Men always complain when women are on their...

Okay, how are you guys doing? I'd like to tell you a serious note here . Even until this very day, this topic is still kind of sore to me. A very touchy subject to talk. Ever heard of bullying ? Well , buat yang nggak tau, biar gue jelasin dikit. Bullying adalah usaha yang dilakuin orang - orang menyedihkan dan kurang kerjaan untuk membuat seseorang 'jatuh', physically and mentally . Entah dari cara mereka memperlakukan orang lain atau cara mereka memanggil seseorang dengan nama yang nggak pantas.  Why are they doing that? Do they have a purpose or what? Yes, they actually do . Those bullies who constantly try to make us down maybe feel threaten by us . Mereka mencoba jatuhin kita, itu artinya kita ada jauh di atas mereka. Mereka menyebut kita dengan nama - nama, yang tanpa mereka sadari, membuat kita sakit hati. But you know what? That actually makes me sick . Siapa sih elo sampe bisa ngatain seseorang? Let's be honest here . In my wh...