A woman's little note

I can't believe I'm writing about being braless but this is what I have in mind for the past couple of days and I just get it out of my system. Yes, I can write this on other social media such as Facebook and Instagram, or even rant on Twitter. But this is probably gonna be a long narrative so why not write here on my blog, right? I need to keep this blog alive somehow. When I was a kid, specifically when I just started to wear a bra, people were telling me that a woman should always wear bras, be it for indoor or outdoor activity. If I didn't obey it, then my boobs would get saggy and all over the place. Being a kid myself, of course, I'm afraid and eventually adhere to what people say. I don't want my boobs to get saggy, what would boys think of me?! I wanna have pretty boobs so I can get a boyfriend that loves me with all he has.  These were my thoughts when I started to wear bras. I was too naive. All I had in mind was getting dolled up and being p...

Anger never shows itself in the right place . It always comes at the wrong time and place . It often makes us feel so hot to the point we want to snap at anyone at any given moment. We've become a ticking bomb before we knew it.  Little by little, all of that anger builds up. It's only a matter of time until we explode but nobody wants that. No one wants to be friends with such an angry person but they always are the ones that make us angry. It's frustrating and annoying at the same time. But, again, we can't complain. Nobody likes complaints, a whiny person is a big no in society, isn't it? We once again found ourselves keeping anger to ourselves, seeking ways to distribute this negative emotion so we won't be a walking bomb around people.  Is it difficult? Yes, it is. We've been told to keep our mouths shut and to not be a brat by being angry. But, darling, even though it is negative, anger is still a form of emotion that shouldn't b...

Wow, it's been a year since my last post. And a lot of things happened in the span of a year. But well, I'm still growing up and still learning with my new phase of life as an adult. Last year was such a rollercoaster ride. I mean, every year is a rollercoaster but last year hit differently. I started my job in a different city (which didn't last that long btw), gained new acquaintances, learned new things, and of course, lived alone. All of those happened only in a span of 6 months.  There were times when I wanted to write a new post but I think I was too exhausted every time I was done with work. So, I kept putting it off until today. If I'm being honest, I do miss writing like this. Taking everything out of my mind and writing it down is such a therapeutic thing to do. I feel like my mind can run freely here and no one will talk trash even if I write badly. I'm not gonna kid myself and make a long-ass list of resolutions because I don't really k...

A few days ago, one of my colleagues asked me;  "Dee, what makes you keep holding on until now?" I couldn't help but stop what I was doing and thought about it for a moment. What makes me endure all of the pains and still carry on with my life? As many of you know, I suffer from severe depression for the past couple of years. I even planned to end my own life. I was desperately holding on to a thin line. It was such a struggle to spend a day without crying. I cried so much that it hurt me physically. I was constantly feeling blue and unmotivated. As the day went by, my will to live also disappeared. I desperately needed someone to calm me down and tell me that it was okay and I shouldn't have felt worthless. I knew that I needed professional help, and I did. I sought help only to be told that I was not religious enough and needed to pray more . I would be lying if I say that sentence didn't hurt me because it did. My effort to get better didn...

A couple of days ago, I asked my Instagram followers if they want me to write on here or not and the result was kind of shocking for me. 100% voted yes which means I have to write a new post here, so here I am, fulfilling my promise towards my dearest friends and followers on Instagram as well as writing about a serious matter; HONESTY . It's been way too long since my last post. Life works in a weird way which eventually makes me take a couple steps back just to calm myself. Most of you who know me in real life must be aware of my condition and what's going on in my life. I've been seeing a psychiatrist since I was discharged from the hospital in January. And as it turned out, I have Mixed Anxiety and Severe Depression without Psychotic Symptoms. I've been going to the hospital to see my doctor once a month.  The first visit, I was anxious as hell and ended up crying for about an hour in her room. The second visit, I still cried. I also told her about ...

What comes into your mind when you read the title? What kind of feeling you were having when you saw the title before clicking it? When a woman's having an affair with someone else's husband, we Indonesians usually call her a pelakor (perebut laki orang). Initially, I didn't overthink i t. Buat apa mikirin hal seperti itu, rite ? It wasn't my business whatsoever . Tapi ironisnya semakin banyak orang dituding sebagai pelakor cuma karena hal sepele. Lebih ironis lagi karena hanya wanita yang mendapat label pelakor sementara laki-laki hanya digunjingkan sebentar saja. I started to wonder, why? Why do women deserve such a title even though the affair involves two parties? Kenapa gak ada sebutan yang sama untuk laki-laki yang melakukan hal serupa? Kenapa hanya wanita yang menjadi 'tersangka'? Then I realized that women would be the victim because men are deemed superior and innocent . Women always take the blame, although men are obviously, involv...

It's been a long time. Most of my readers probably know me in real life. And to be honest, writing this post took so much courage from myself. I've been diagnosed with Cervical Syndrome. It's not deadly but the pain is really unbearable. Whenever my shoulders acting up, I often found myself crying in silence. I've always been a burden to those around me and after discovering my illness, I feel like I become even more dependent. I hate feeling so useless and need help from other people but at the same time, I need it. I can't drive my own motorcycle for too long so I need my brother to take me to the hospital everytime my shoulders acting up. I want to get a stable job so I can help my mom paying her debt but with my condition, I don't even have the confidence to apply to any companies. So, once again, I'm a burden. I always want happiness in my life, as simple as that. But with my health and how messy my family is.. I doubt it will happen a...