Different worlds

"We live in the same earth but we have our different worlds."

That's what happens when you're in a relationship. Kita memang hidup di bumi yang sama dengan pasangan kita, kita bernaung di bawah langit yang sama, namun kita memiliki dunia kita masing - masing. Dunia yang seharusnya dikenalkan kepada pasangan kita masing - masing tanpa harus mereka meminta.

 Based on Spice Girls' song, if we want to be with someone at least we know their friends as well.

Tapi sepertinya aturan ini sudah kadaluarsa bagi laki - laki jaman sekarang. Sebagian besar laki - laki yang dekat denganku (saudara, teman, sahabat) lebih banyak menyimpan dunia mereka sendiri. Mereka tidak mau berbagi dengan pasangan mereka. I mean, I just really don't get it when men do that.

Rata - rata wanita akan memperkenalkan pasangannya pada teman - teman dekatnya. We want to show them that we can be happy too. Bukan untuk pamer (mungkin ada juga yang memang sengaja pamer, but that's a different story). Wanita memang sensitif, itu sudah sifat alaminya. Namun aku pikir, mungkin itulah yang membuat kami terlihat lemah di mata lelaki. Sometimes I wish I were a man instead of a confused-woman.

Jika memang kita akan menjalani sebuah hubungan, itu artinya kita juga harus siap membawa seseorang baru ke dalam dunia kita. Suatu hubungan tidak akan pernah berhasil apabila kita hanya berkutat di dalam dunia kita sendiri tanpa mencoba menyelami dunia pasangan kita. Tidak mudah memang, dan akan terasa aneh pada awalnya. Namun seiring berjalannya waktu, rasa aneh itu akan menjadi terbiasa.

Kami para wanita pada sebenarnya tidak banyak menuntut. Aku sendiri hanya menginginkan kejujuran. Meski beberapa kebenaran terdengar menyakitkan, tetapi tetap saja akan terasa lebih baik apabila kita mengetahui hal - hal tersebut dari pasangan kita sendiri daripada harus mendengarnya dari orang lain.

I think I'm starting to write nonsense here. Excuse me, I'm so sleepy over here but I just really need to get this post done.

Kita tidak perlu berpikir terlalu jauh. Selama ada rasa saling percaya di antara kita dan pasangan, aku rasa love will find its way. Dear women, jagalah perasaan nyaman dan aman ketika pasangan ada di dekat kita karena perasaan itulah yang membuat kita masih bersama dengan mereka. Dear men, jangan berbohong.

Wanita pasti akan mengatakan bahwa kami telah memaafkan namun sebenarnya kami masih merasa kecewa. Kecewa karena kalian telah merusakkan rasa kepercayaan kami.

What I'm saying is that, tidak peduli seberapa kacaunya hidup kita, kita tetap berkewajiban untuk menceritakannya pada pasangan kita. They have the right to be involved in our life. Kita telah memilih mereka, berarti kita juga harus memperbolehkan mereka masuk ke dalam dunia kita. Jika memang ia orang yang tepat, maka tidak peduli seberapa parah dunia kita, ia akan tetap tinggal. Dan jika kita sampai menyia - nyiakan seseorang seperti itu, well, I guess we really suck at love departement.

From my mind to these keyboards to your eyes.

Dina

To you, from I

Hey, I would love to say these things directly to you, but you are too busy. And I’ve lost count how many time you told me that my calls were just bothering you. I’ve come to realize, maybe.. you never love me.

I thought you would miss me after those 2 weeks, but you don’t, do you? You don’t miss me at all. Isn’t it tragic that I miss you all the time we were apart? That’s crazy. I mean, when I was busy with all those homeworks or when I was alone in my room at 2 in the morning, you were always coming into my mind. And I thought you would’ve missed me too. Apparently, I was so wrong.

I should’ve known from the start.

You never said those words. The ‘L’ word. You never said it. Instead, you just kissed me and told me to not talk about it. How could I do that? You were my first kiss, you will forever be it. I can’t just forget it. It was special to me, so were you. And again, I thought I was special for you too.

On the fifth day.. you made me cry. You like to disappear without explanation. At first, it was okay. And again, I thought I would get used to it. But I can’t. You are just too complicated. I failed to understand who you really are. I don’t expect you to understand me.. even part of me wished to, I really don’t expect you to come to me and be like “I know you’re not okay. Here, let me hug you”. That’s not you.

You’ve been gone for a week. And when I called you, why do I have to ask “am I bothering you?” to you? Isn’t that unnecessary? I mean, I basically your girlfriend (or am I not?). I’m tired, honest. I’m tired of asking that, tired of hearing “yeah, you kinda bothering me” from your mouth.

What do you really want from me? Do you just want someone to kiss without having a feeling? If you do, then I highly suggest you to leave me immediately. Because I can’t do that. I can’t be your friend with benefits. Either you like me or we just be friends, for good. I don’t like being dictate by someone. I’m done with that and right now, I want to decide my own life.

I’m sorry, I don’t think ‘us’ can go through this.

You have your own world, the one which you’re not ready to introduce me into. And I have mine, the one that I’m so comfortable with. And even though I wanted to introduce you to my world, it seems like you’re not willing to go deeper than you already are.

I love you, that’s a fact. So, that’s why I don’t want you to suffer in our relationship. I’m letting you go. It will be hard, I know, but at least I will still be alive. I will survive the heartbreak, I’ve done that so many times before and I know that I will always survive. I wish you tons of luck too. You are too precious to spend your life just smoking and drinking. And anyway, you still can tell me your stories.. and jokes. I’d like to hear them once again.

Semarang, November 2nd, 2014

Dina