Dengarkan saja!

Terkadang, kita gak perlu banyak orang buat ngasih berjuta saran dan solusi. Kita cuma butuh seseorang yang mau mendengarkan cerita kita dari awal sampe akhir. Cerita sedih, bahagia, bimbang, semuanya. Karena kelegaan sebenarnya bukan berasal dari saran yang mereka berikan, kelegaan itu berasal dari perhatian mereka saat mendengarkan cerita kita.

Di jaman yang serba maju ini, kita bisa mudah mendengarkan curhatan seseorang melalui berbagai media. Via telepon atau video call, misalnya. Meskipun tidak ada skinship, kita tetap bisa mendengarkan cerita orang lain. Tapi sayangnya, kemudahan ini justru sering dijadikan alasan untuk menganggap remeh cerita seseorang. Sebagai contoh, ketika kita sedang curhat dengan seoirang teman namun dia malah sibuk sendiri dengan ponselnya.

Sebel. Kesel. Kecewa. Tapi nggak bisa ngapa - ngapain. Mending nggak usah cerita sekalian daripada lagi serius - seriusnya cerita eh malah enggak diperhatiin gitu.

As a survivor myself, it is still hard to find someone who truly cares about you mentally. Most people want to know what’s going on bu they rarely give a damn. Curiosity kills a cat, they say. But I know for sure sometimes it’s better to write my emotions on my journal than talk about it to other people. I’m not saying I won’t share my story, yang udah kenal sama gue pasti tau kalo gue suka cerita apalagi tentang yang berbau kesehatan jiwa. Sebagai seseorang yang used to bottle things up, ngungkapin apa yang kita rasain emang lebih sehat dan dianjurkan oleh tenaga profesional.

Semua orang punya emosi, baik itu yang positif maupun negatif. Ada yang bilang kalo semua emosi itu baik tapi gue gak setuju. Beberapa emosi memang ada dampak positif such as happiness. Tapi beberapa emosi justru punya negative traits such as rage and sadness. If you happen to experience rage, you will notice that things may get blurry and everything seems to be wrong. Begitu juga sebaliknya, ketika kita ngerasa bahagia, hal-hal di sekitar kita jadi menyenangkan.

Here’s a tip for you; kalo seseorang udah mau terbuka dengan kita, please listen to them tentatively. Who knows we are the last call who can help their lives? Dengarkan saja mereka, dengarkan dengan penuh kesadaran bahwa kita adalah orang terpilih yang mereka jadikan sandaran dalam hidup. Dan untuk kalian yang sudah menjadi pendengar yang baik, terima kasih. Thank you for listening.

Kisses,

Dee

Braless??!

I can't believe I'm writing about being braless but this is what I have in mind for the past couple of days and I just get it out of my system. Yes, I can write this on other social media such as Facebook and Instagram, or even rant on Twitter. But this is probably gonna be a long narrative so why not write here on my blog, right? I need to keep this blog alive somehow.

When I was a kid, specifically when I just started to wear a bra, people were telling me that a woman should always wear bras, be it for indoor or outdoor activity. If I didn't obey it, then my boobs would get saggy and all over the place.

Being a kid myself, of course, I'm afraid and eventually adhere to what people say. I don't want my boobs to get saggy, what would boys think of me?! I wanna have pretty boobs so I can get a boyfriend that loves me with all he has. These were my thoughts when I started to wear bras. I was too naive. All I had in mind was getting dolled up and being pretty so I can attract boys. My current mindset had changed a lot from that.

I then learned that there are many types of boobs. You can know further about this stuff by reading here. I also learned about feminism and loving myself more. Loving myself means accepting every tiny part of my body. It means I have to stop comparing my body to others. Sure, I can lose a few pounds of my weight but it means nothing if I don't like myself, huh?

Starting from last year, I go braless as many times as I can, mostly when I'm at home. When I was living on my own last year, going braless is such a blessing. Women must know that feeling when we take off our bras after a long day at work. I always take off mine right after I arrived home and for the love of God, it feels uh-ma-zing.

I do this solely because it feels restricted to wear bras when I sleep but based on some articles I read, it actually makes me sleep better. I don't have to worry about saggy boobs because every woman has their own type of boobs. Always wearing bras also not good for my shoulder and neck, so taking it off definitely makes it better for me personally.

I don't want to tell you to go commando (without underwear) or braless. I just want to tell you that there are a lot of benefits from going braless. You may read the benefits here or here. I don't want to write a post about health without providing relatable articles. So you may want to read those articles to know better about the benefits of going braless.

So, now you know about it. I personally like going braless because somehow it feels empowering. It's also such a hassle to put on one. How about you, ladies? Do you like to go braless? Or contemplating to do it?

Also, the whole COVID-19 pandemic is really serious so I hope you all stay safe. Stay at home and don't go out unless it's urgent or important. Don't go to crowded places and hang out with your friends for a while. We can help by obeying what the government says. 

Keep safe,

Dee

Anger 101

Anger never shows itself in the right place. It always comes at the wrong time and place. It often makes us feel so hot to the point we want to snap at anyone at any given moment. We've become a ticking bomb before we knew it. 

Little by little, all of that anger builds up. It's only a matter of time until we explode but nobody wants that. No one wants to be friends with such an angry person but they always are the ones that make us angry. It's frustrating and annoying at the same time. But, again, we can't complain. Nobody likes complaints, a whiny person is a big no in society, isn't it?

We once again found ourselves keeping anger to ourselves, seeking ways to distribute this negative emotion so we won't be a walking bomb around people. 

Is it difficult? Yes, it is.

We've been told to keep our mouths shut and to not be a brat by being angry. But, darling, even though it is negative, anger is still a form of emotion that shouldn't be held back. One, it's not good for mental health. Two, it will affect our mood. Sure, we can't be angry 24/7 but at least we can control it. This is called anger management.

There are therapies out there to help us manage our anger. Talking to professional help is one of the ways to help us control our anger. I'm not saying it will be easy. There is no such thing as ease when it comes to mental health. We have to do it if we want to get better and not have angry outbursts every now and then.

Emotions are there for us to be felt, not to be ignored. Be it positive like happiness or negative like anger, we have to feel them in order to be human beings. Life is all about balance, and there is always a silver lining. 

Kisses,

Dee 

2020

Wow, it's been a year since my last post. And a lot of things happened in the span of a year. But well, I'm still growing up and still learning with my new phase of life as an adult.

Last year was such a rollercoaster ride. I mean, every year is a rollercoaster but last year hit differently. I started my job in a different city (which didn't last that long btw), gained new acquaintances, learned new things, and of course, lived alone. All of those happened only in a span of 6 months. 

There were times when I wanted to write a new post but I think I was too exhausted every time I was done with work. So, I kept putting it off until today. If I'm being honest, I do miss writing like this. Taking everything out of my mind and writing it down is such a therapeutic thing to do. I feel like my mind can run freely here and no one will talk trash even if I write badly.

I'm not gonna kid myself and make a long-ass list of resolutions because I don't really know how to commit to that list. I just want 2020 to be nicer than previous years. There is a hope that I can have a new job and probably a love life? LOL who am I kidding, I'm not ready to be committed just yet.

My friends are either getting married or having children at my age and here I am, almost 24 years old, writing this post and complaining about life on my twitter. LOLz.

In all seriousness, I hope 2020 Dee will be stronger than ever and probably can cut off the dosage of my daily drugs from my psychiatrist. It's been 2 years already and I can't wait to be off meds. And because I can't just stop it on my own, I will wait patiently until the doctor said that it's okay for me to just go to therapy without consuming those drugs.

Kisses,

Dee

Honesty

A couple of days ago, I asked my Instagram followers if they want me to write on here or not and the result was kind of shocking for me. 100% voted yes which means I have to write a new post here, so here I am, fulfilling my promise towards my dearest friends and followers on Instagram as well as writing about a serious matter; HONESTY.

It's been way too long since my last post. Life works in a weird way which eventually makes me take a couple steps back just to calm myself. Most of you who know me in real life must be aware of my condition and what's going on in my life.

I've been seeing a psychiatrist since I was discharged from the hospital in January. And as it turned out, I have Mixed Anxiety and Severe Depression without Psychotic Symptoms. I've been going to the hospital to see my doctor once a month. 

The first visit, I was anxious as hell and ended up crying for about an hour in her room. The second visit, I still cried. I also told her about my suicide plan. On my third visit, I told her that I've been writing a journal and although it was depressing, she asked me if she could read it. I gave her my journal and she took a few pictures of the content for further analysis. She didn't tell me about my religion albeit we have the same religion. Instead, she asked me to be honest.

On my very first encounter with her, I wasn't 100% honest and lied to her. I'd built a thick wall to make myself feel safer. Even though she already told me that I needed to be honest, I just couldn't see myself being honest with her. From my perspective, she was, after all, a stranger. I'd say that she knew I lied but she didn't call me out for it. 

This fact alone makes me rethink if I made the right choice to lie to her. She then further explained that in order to get better, I need to be honest with myself first. Honesty is the key to my recovery. Not only being honest about my opinions but also being honest with my own emotions. Realizing that hiding my emotions was really an eye-opening moment for me. She proceeded to tell me that I am in fact getting better by each day and asked how did I manage to get better when in reality, nothing big really changed in my daily life.

That question forced me to think back to how it all started. I was suicidal, yes, sometimes I still am. But when I found out that my mom tried to hurt herself, it was unbearable. I thought to myself; what if I didn't make it to the hospital for her very last breath? Is this what my friends and family went through when I told them that I want to leave for good?

And after that realization dawned on me, I want to get better not for the sake of people's around me but for me and for my own sake. That honesty to myself was all I needed to make myself be a better person and not relapse until this very second.

"Okay Dee, we all get that you have mental illnesses but can you tell us the reason why you want to talk about honesty?"

My journey of mental health is not over just yet. Every day still feels like I'm about to go to a war with myself. I still have the urge to hurt myself too but I don't do it, do I? This is my honesty. Before seeing my doctor, I would deny admitting those things. Why? Because I felt like I would be perceived as a weak person if I admitted it.

With my current perspective, I know very well that being honest to myself about my own condition is the very first step to love myself. Being honest with myself has made me more open about my mental illnesses. I don't exactly know how but I can talk freely about mental health even with the elders.

Begin your own journey to happiness by being honest with yourself. Stop lying about your condition because society told you so. We're all responsible for own happiness and if we can't even be honest with ourselves about our own emotions and condition, how are we gonna make ourselves happy?

Kisses,

Dee

Pelakor

What comes into your mind when you read the title?

What kind of feeling you were having when you saw the title before clicking it?

When a woman's having an affair with someone else's husband, we Indonesians usually call her a pelakor (perebut laki orang). Initially, I didn't overthink it. Buat apa mikirin hal seperti itu, rite? It wasn't my business whatsoever.

Tapi ironisnya semakin banyak orang dituding sebagai pelakor cuma karena hal sepele. Lebih ironis lagi karena hanya wanita yang mendapat label pelakor sementara laki-laki hanya digunjingkan sebentar saja. I started to wonder, why? Why do women deserve such a title even though the affair involves two parties? Kenapa gak ada sebutan yang sama untuk laki-laki yang melakukan hal serupa? Kenapa hanya wanita yang menjadi 'tersangka'?

Then I realized that women would be the victim because men are deemed superior and innocent. Women always take the blame, although men are obviously, involved. Menyedihkan, bukan? Wanita yang selalu saja disalahkan.

 

Ketika seorang wanita diperkosa, orang-orang lebih menyalahkan korban (yang mana kebanyakan adalah wanita) dengan alasan pakaiannya terlalu "terbuka" dan "menggiurkan". This act is called victim-blaming and just so you know, it is not cool at all. Jadi, tolong ya itu mulut-mulut jahat yang selalu menyalahkan korban diem aja, or should I throw a pair of stilettos to your face? :)

 

Kembali ke topik utama tentang pelakor. Ketika ada hubungan perselingkuhan, we can't turn a blind eye dan cuma nuduh "ceweknya kegatelan sih". Kenapa? Karena sekalipun wanita yang agresif, perselingkuhan itu tidak akan terjadi kalo si laki-laki adem ayem. Gampangnya gini, let's say wanita itu api dan laki-laki itu bensin. Ketika ada kayu yang terbakar, api itu tidak akan membesar kalo tidak disiram bensin atau minyak tanah. Have you understood it yet? 

Jadi, kesimpulannya, an affair wouldn't happen if men hadn't responded to the flirting. Seagresif apapun wanita yang disebut pelakor itu, jika laki-laki itu tidak memberi respon positif, maka yang namanya perselingkuhan itu tidak akan terjadi. Itu adalah penjelasan paling sederhana yang bisa gue tulis.

Ketika kita menyebut seorang wanita sebagai pelakor, pernahkah kita memikirkan akibatnya? Bagaimana bila wanita itu mempunyai anak? Have we ever thought about that? Karena jika kita berpikiran begitu in the first place, sebutan itu tidak akan pernah eksis. When we call a woman with that name, we are not only ruining her life, we are also ruining her children's lives and innocence. That nickname will be stuck on her wherever she goes and it can traumatize her. Sementara laki-laki yang ikut andil dalam affair tersebut masih tetap bisa tersenyum dan sumawa karena tidak ada nama panggilan untuk dia. Apakah adil? Bertahun-tahun kita semua dibesarkan oleh wanita yang kita sebut ibu, pernahkah terlintas di benak kita semua jika ibu kita yang dipanggil pelakor?

Life is unfair, I know that very well. But labelling someone with a degrading nickname like that meanwhile her partner goes on with his life like nothing happened is just plainly disgusting. Jika memang kita ingin memberi hukuman sosial kepada wanita tersebut, bukankah kita juga harus memberikan hukuman sosial yang sama kepada laki-laki? Wanita sudah cukup merasa malu jika affair mereka ketahuan, tapi kenapa kita harus menambah rasa malu mereka? Sebutan pelakor itu benar-benar merendahkan. Padahal seperti yang kita semua tahu, laki-laki itu memiliki masa puber kedua sedangkan wanita hanya senang apabila diberi perhatian. Often times, I see men are the ones who start an affair. Maka dari itu, jika wanita yang terlibat mempunyai julukan serendah itu, laki-laki pun juga harus diberi julukan.

With all due respect, I'm not writing this to make you hate the men involved in the affair. I'm writing this merely because I'm just so annoyed at people who keep calling someone a pelakor in a relationship but do nothing to their partners.

 

 

Kisses,

Dee

To Those Who May Concern

Hello, it's been so long since my last post here.

I was stuck in a deep hole and so confused about life for the past few weeks. I know some of you may think "all of us have problems too" and I'm not gonna deny that. But mine is a lot more complicated than that.

I've been feeling down for quite a while before finally I decided to start another #100happydays challenge on my Instagram. It's not daily post, because, well.. I can't have happy days without down days, can I? But I do post something when I feel my day has been okay.

Also, I finally came clean to my mom about my self-harming habit. I really thought she was gonna do something about it but instead, I got a long lecture how I should pray more and more just so I can get better. After that, I told her to just forget it. A few days later, I tried to get a recommendation letter from a general doctor to go to a psychiatrist and seek help to get rid all of these voices inside of my head. But what I got was a long lecture about how I'm not closer enough to Allah and blah blah, basically she said the same thing as my mom. And really, it's tiring to hear everything being connected to your religion. So, I told her I don't need it anymore and bury it deep.

Those who know me well must know that I've always tried to hide my true feelings and bottle up everything. So, when something blows up right in front of my face, it's easier to cry and not tell anyone else. I don't really want to be a burden for someone else, hence my hesitance of telling something as private as those.

My suicidal thoughts keep coming back and haunting my life as soon as I open my eyes. On my up days, these thoughts are so easy to slide aside. But when my down days come.... I literally thought about killing myself if it can make people around me be happy. I keep feeling like I'm a failure and deserves nothing but dead.

I try so hard to fight those demons. So hard that I easily tire myself out. But, do people know about my battle? No, they don't.

What they do know though, is that Dee is someone bright, cheerful, and always smiling even though she's awkward on so many occations. They don't know how hard it is to fake a smile throughout the day when all I wanna do is crawling up to bed to sleep and not be bothered by anyone for the whole day.

For now, though, I'm okay.

My life got messier ever since I graduated uni, including my own family. Thus, I really miss my uni years where I could laugh freely without any care in the whole world.

I've been clean for two months, too! This is a huge achievement and I'm proud of the fact that I keep surviving even though my world has just crumbled down right in front of my eyes.

Kisses,

Dee

Tolerance

I've been dying to write something on my blog after so long! 

Hi, readers!!

Sorry for not writing sooner. I had to finish up my thesis first so I can graduate this year (you read that right, YA GIRL IS GRADUATING!). I had a lot of revising to do, hence my absence. But, well, even though it's not over yet ('cuz I still have to write an effin' journal), I can finally breathe. 

Enough of that. Tema tulisan gue kali ini bukan tentang skripsweet kok.

I know that many of you think tolerance is important in our society. The question is; have you applied the said tolerance in your daily life? Toleransi emang kelihatannya gampang, simple. Padahal sebenernya toleransi itu bukan hal yang mudah bagi sebuah bangsa yang terdiri dari berbagai macam latar belakang seperti Indonesia. Pastilah ada yang namanya pengucilan. Alasannya sepele, karena mereka nggak sepaham sama kita.

I am a muslim and I admit that I have more privilege simply just because of my religion. Mayoritas penduduk Indonesia beragama Islam, artinya yang beragama selain itu secara otomatis mendapat lebih sedikit hak dalam hal beragama. Bingung, ya? Then let me explain through an example below.

Ketika hari raya, kami para umat muslim melakukan sholat sunnah Eid tidak hanya di masjid, tapi di lapangan-lapangan milik publik. Kenapa? Karena itulah sunnahnya (sunnah: dikerjakan mendapat pahala, tidak dikerjakan pun tidak apa-apa). Tidak ada yang menghalangi kami pada hari-hari 'kemenangan' tersebut.

Bulan Desember lalu, gue kaget waktu denger KKR Natal dibubarkan secara paksa di Bandung. Massa yang mengaku sebagai 'pembela' itu ngotot kalo kegiatan tersebut tidak memiliki ijin sampai malam. Kalo memang iya, fine, mungkin memang acara tersebut pantas dibubarkan. Tapi kenapa harus ada embel-embel yang lain? Kenapa massa merasa wajib membawa spanduk bertuliskan "Masyarakat Muslim Jabar meminta kegiatan KKR pindah ke tempat yang telah disediakan (gereja) bukan di tempat umum" ketika mereka meminta panitia membubarkan acara?

I was so upset to know what went down in Bandung. Why? Kenapa harus segitunya? Apa hanya karena mereka bukan termasuk golongan mayoritas? Venue acara pun merupakan tempat umum, dan para panitia pun menyatakan bahwa mereka sudah mendapat surat tanda terima pemberitahuan dari kepolisian yang menjadi bukti bahwa mereka sudah menyampaikan untuk melakukan kegiatan sampai malam hari.

Katakanlah panitia berbohong dan mereka memang tidak memiliki ijin. Toh massa bisa membubarkan kegiatan ini secara baik-baik, bukan? Mereka nggak harus bikin spanduk macam itu, kan?

They asked them to do their event at the churches? Dude, KKR kan nggak terjadi tiap minggu. Kalo emang mereka mau menggunakan tempat umum ya silahkan, you have no right to stop them unless they don't have the permit. Coba kalo kegiatan hari itu dilakukan oleh kaum mayoritas dan mereka memang menggunakan venue lebih lama dari pemberitahuan yang mereka ajuin. Gue yakin banget hal serupa nggak akan terjadi.

Sampai disini, you get what I was trying to say, rite? 

Gue akan dengan lantang bilang gue memiliki hak lebih cuma karena agama yang gue anut. Tapi apakah gue harus setuju? The answer is no. Gue pengen semua WNI diperlakukan sama tanpa memandang SARA. I've seen enough discrimination in my own society karena emang beberapa temen deket gue non-muslim. But do you know that I've never heard they complain about it? Not even once.

Waktu jaman SMA, temen-temen gue yang non-muslim gak pernah absen nungguin gue dan yang lain sholat Dzuhur sepulang sekolah. Mereka bisa aja pulang duluan tanpa nungguin kita. Tapi nyatanya mereka rela nunggu supaya bisa pulang bareng. Waktu ada tugas kelompok pun, mereka nggak segan ngingetin kita buat sholat. Yang paling gue inget adalah mereka ikutan puasa waktu bulan Ramadhan atas dasar toleransi semata. Mereka nggak peduli kalo puasa Ramadhan nggak ada arti dan pahalanya bagi mereka.

My friends always (tolong diinget kata selalu ya) send me a message whenever Eid comes around. Pesannya singkat tapi bermakna. That's why I've always been sensitive when someone says I can't say 'merry christmas' to a Christian. Apalagi ada yang bilang ngucapin selamat natal itu sama artinya dengan auto-murtad. Wtf bruh, do you really think it's easy to change religions?!

Here's a little fact; just because I send a Christmas greeting/message doesn't mean I believe in their religion. Bukan berarti gue percaya atas kelahiran Yesus. That's not the point. Mereka juga tau kok gue ngirim pesan itu semata-mata karena gue ngehormati mereka dan agama mereka. Jadi, kenapa seseorang bisa auto-murtad cuma karena itu?

If you still believe in auto-murtad.. get the hell outta here. 

People say they hate Trump because he is racist. Jika kita selalu membeda-bedakan orang cuma karena agama atau suku mereka, apa bedanya kita dengan Trump? Aren't we the same species as him?

Please, please stop disrespecting people who are not from a same crowd as you. I believe you will not go to hell just because you tolerate them.

Kisses,

Dee 

Dear Men

I've been busy with tutoring, classes, and of course, catching up with TV series. But I have a few hours to kill now, so writing a new post here is the best thing I could do beside of reading novels.

I'll turn 20 this year which means people are gonna start asking about a boyfriend of mine. It's not like I don't want to date. I do want to date but the man I've been crushing on for years doesn't even acknowledge it.

Furthermore, people in my hometown will start asking about marriage. This is a little bit crazy if you ask me because I don't plan to marry anyone until I'm 24 or 25. But for them, it's a shame for women in their early 20s to not marry someone.

I often hear men say how they want women to stick with them through thick and thin. Men who say this usually aren't so good with their financial. They may have unsteady jobs or even jobless. And according to what I see lately, these kind of men want to marry their girlfriends, telling those women how important they will be when their husbands succeed.

I used to agree with this. But then I had a second thought about this matter.

I thought about what if that women were my children. Am I willing to let them marry men without a job? Do I want to jeopardize their future? Do I really want my daughters to suffer because of their husbands?

The answer is no. No to all of those questions. I want my children to be happy, I want their future to be as nice as it could be. Don't we all want that for our children?

When a woman agrees to be someone's wife, her parents are no longer responsible for her. Her faith moves to her husband. She also has a new last name to maintain. So, to put it simply, she puts her life on her husband's hands. And as a wife, she has to do all of the housework and taking care of the children. She's no longer as free as she used to be.

Women devote themselves to their husbands. This is a must, an absolute obligation.

Our parents work for us. They make us feel safe. They took us to school so we can learn about a-b-c and 1-2-3. It doesn't matter if they can't buy things as long as we get what we need. Our happiness comes first. They don't even want us to pay them back. We become a successful woman, an independent woman, at least, that's the only thing that matters to them.

Dear men, can you do that for us in exchange for our devotion to you? You can't expect us, women, to sit around and obey your orders if you can't give those things. We had a life before you and we did just fine.

This is me writing the things I've been thinking for the last few days.

Dear men, get yourself a steady job before proposing your partner. We need stability just like what our parents have been providing us since we were born.

Kisses,

Dee

Kata Pengantar

It's been a while. Gue kemarin sempet pengen nulis sih tapi trus keinginan itu musnah karena dapet tiket emas buat liburan ke rumah sodara di Majalengka.

Back to the topic.

Judulnya pake bahasa Indonesia loh. Kan jarang-jarang gue bikin postingan dengan judul bahasa Indonesia. Bukan karena gue gak bangga sama bahasa sendiri, tapi faktanya sendiri postingan gue lebih banyak yang baca kalo pake judul bahasa Inggris. Numbers can't lie.

Ada cerita di balik pemilihan sebuah judul semua tulisan gue. Dari cerpen, fanfiksi, artikel, sampe postingan di blog ini. Kebanyakan sih karena perjalanan hidup (gue merasa mulai tua btw) tapi ada juga yang murni karena faktor mood.

Jadi gini, I'm a book lover. People will notice that in the second I start talking about one. Gue emang suka baca buku dari jaman SD (atau MI buat gue). Awalnya karena suka baca majalah anak-anak yang tokoh utamanya kelinci. Pas di sekolah, gue lumayan sering pergi ke perpustakaan waktu istirahat dan lama-kelamaan mulai tertarik sama cover-cover lucu.

Waktu SMP, uang saku gue cuma seribu perak per hari. Iya, seribu. Itu aja udah bersyukur banget. Ibuk baru naikin uang saku pas gue udah kelas 9 dan sering pulang sore karena ada kelas tambahan sepulang sekolah. Karena harus berhemat, akhirnya gue jadi lebih sering pergi ke perpustakaan dan baca buku. Mbak penjaga perpustakaan hafal banget sama gue dan sering ngajakin gue ngegosip waktu keadaan sepi. Yang namanya kartu perpustakaan juga sampe harus ganti berulang kali karena udah penuh. Tapi liat sisi baiknya, gue mulai kenal novel Harry Potter dan yang paling penting, pengarang luar biasa, NH Dini.

Jaman SMA gue masih sering ke perpustakaan tapi intensitasnya emang gak sesering waktu gue SMP. Gue juga lebih suka baca majalah remaja daripada buku. Maklum, mulai puber. Disini gue mulai kenal seri Twilight dan The Hunger Games. Dan waktu kelas 12, gue jadi lebih sering ke tempat sakral ini sama temen-temen buat ngerjain tugas kelompok atau sekedar diskusi lucu-lucuan.

Waktu mulai kuliah, gue mulai familiar sama pengarang-pengarang terkenal dari luar negeri. Jane Austen, Rainbow Rowell, Cassandra Clare, Emily Bronte, John Green, Harper Lee, Veronica Roth, dan masih banyak lagi. Gue juga mulai berani baca naskah novel berbahasa Inggris yang belum diterjemahin. Modal nekat sih sebenernya. Yang ada di pikiran gue adalah; at least gue masih punya kamus. Gue juga lebih terbuka sama yang namanya buku elektronik karena gak punya uang buat beli wujud fisiknya.

The Fault in Our Stars-nya John Green menjadi novel berbahasa Inggris pertama yang selesai gue baca. Asli, gue nangis waktu di bagian Gus meninggal. Dari situlah gue jadi keranjingan baca English novel sampe sekarang.

Trus apa hubungan cerita gue diatas sama judul postingan gue kali ini?

Akhir-akhir ini gue baru sadar satu hal yang selalu gue lakukan sebelum baca sebuah buku, apapun jenis bukunya. Gue selalu nyempatin diri buat baca kata pengantar pengarang. It seems silly, doesn't it? Percaya atau gak, hampir 85% buku yang gue pernah baca, gue udah baca kata pengantarnya. Kebanyakan sih lebih manggil bagian ini sebagai tempat mereka mengucapkan terima kasih. Tapi gak sedikit juga yang membuat halaman kata pengantar mereka sebagai "jembatan" untuk mengawali cerita. For me, an author's thank you page or dedication page are important as much as the story. Dari situ, gue bisa sedikit banyak menilai kepribadian seseorang. Dan jujur aja, gue selalu suka bagian dimana mereka berterima kasih pada keluarga dan temen.

Mungkin buat banyak orang, kata pengantar itu gak penting. Cuma ngabisin halaman aja. Gak ada gunanya baca kata pengantar. Well, I have to disagree. Karena dari kata pengantar, kita bisa menilai kalo para penulis bener-bener punya passion di bidang penulisan. We can learn one thing or two from it. Makanya gue hampir selalu baca bagian yang sering disepelein sama orang lain ini.

Baru-baru ini gue selesai baca novel Sabtu Bersama Bapak-nya Kang Adhitya Mulya. Di kata pengantarnya, si akang ngaku kalo proses novel itu memakan waktu seumur hidupnya; dari mulai dia anak-anak sampe sekarang jadi bapak.

For my family

Penulis buku booming The Happiness Project menjadikan satu halaman untuk 3 kata singkat. Sederhana tapi jelas. Gretchen Rubin doesn't need a long paragraph to express her gratitude. Kenapa? Karena tanpa keluarganya, the book just simply wouldn't happen.

Kalo cover buku sering disamain kayak pakaian kita, nah buat gue, kata pengantar itu sedikit banyak kayak attitude kita waktu bertemu orang baru. Para penulis ingin mengenalkan sedikit tentang diri mereka dan orang-orang yang berjasa dalam pembuatan buku atau juga sekaligus di kehidupan pribadinya sendiri. Gak jauh beda sama kita kalo ketemu orang baru. Memperkenalkan diri pasti jadi hal utama. We don't want people to think bad about us. Hal yang sama juga berlaku untuk para penulis. Mereka kulanuwun dulu sama kita.

That's why I like reading kata pengantar. Bukan sebagai hiasan buku biar keliatan pantes tapi justru sebagai pelengkap.

Kisses,

Dee

STOP IT!

Hello! Just like I said on one of my Instagram picture, now I'm writing a long-ass post about body-shaming among the society.

According to http://yourdictionary.com, the definition of body shaming is the practice of making critical, potentially humiliating comments about a person's body size or weight.

Kurang jelas? Oke. Singkatnya, body-shaming itu adalah ketika seseorang mengolok-olok orang lain berdasarkan bentuk tubuhnya. Gue gak tau pasti tujuannya yang jelas gue benci banget sama satu hal ini. Dan di postingan kali ini, gue bakal jelasin kenapa body-shaming itu perbuatan hina yang harus dimusnahkan.

Gue emang gak terlahir sebagai cewek gemuk. Tapi yah mungkin emang pada dasarnya suka makan, makanya gue jadi gemuk. Lucunya, dari jaman gue SD sampe kuliah gini, gue pasti punya temen yang gak peduli sebanyak apapun dia makan, dia gak bakal bisa gemuk.

Society teaches people to be ashamed of their appearances. Faktanya, manusia gak mungkin malu atau bahkan membenci dirinya sendiri. Kebencian yang dimiliki itu semata-mata karena standar konyol yang dibuat oleh masyarakat. "Jadi cewek itu gak boleh gemuk", "lo tau model A? Tubuhnya ya ampun body goals banget", pasti ada berbagai macam omongan semacam ini di sekitar kita.

Karena gue emang gemuk dari kecil, gue jadi terbiasa dipanggil Dindut (Dina gendut). Padahal sebenernya kalo dipikir lagi, it's not normal to get used to a weird name-calling. Yang paling bikin gue bete adalah ketika orang-orang yang baru aja kenal sama gue, dengan santainya manggil gue 'ndut'. Secara gak langsung, mereka menghakimi gue dari penampilan doang, which is simply ridiculous if I would say. Gue yakin, banyak orang punya pengalaman yang sama.

Kenyataannya adalah gue lebih dari sekedar kata gemuk. Gak ada yang tau usaha gue selama ini dan hal-hal apa aja yang gue capai. The same case goes to you, my friends. Nobody knows things you've done but yourself. Dan kita gak perlu ngejelasin ke orang-orang tentang pencapaian kita. Buat apa? Toh mereka bukan orang penting.

Stop labeling people with names!!!

Bagi siapa aja yang suka banget melabeli orang lain, shame on you. I feel sorry for you. Kalian gak lebih dari sampah yang suka bikin orang-orang ngerasa gak percaya diri sama diri mereka sendiri.

Gue yang lama bakal langsung sedih dan kecewa ketika denger seseorang bilang "kok gendutan? Diet dong". Tapi gue yang sekarang malah ngerasa kasihan. Apa iya hidup mereka sebegitu membosankannya sampe mereka harus nyari hiburan dengan cara ngurusin hidup orang lain?

Body-shaming is not, and will never be, cool. We don't know what they've been through. We have no clue about the struggle they've had. Thus we have no rights to say something, anything really, about them or their bodies.

Apa iya gue harus ngasih pengumuman kalo gue udah turun berapa kilo? No. Dan apa gue harus cerita tentang latar belakang gue olahraga? Enggak. Gue gak punya kewajiban untuk ngasih tau apapun ke masyarakat.

Meskipun begitu, untuk mengakhiri postingan kali ini, gue mau ngaku beberapa hal. Pertama, gue gak lagi diet. I'm perfectly fine with my body, I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. Kedua, kalo emang gue mulai rajin lari (lagi) itu karena salah satu resolusi tahun baru. Gue udah janji sama diri sendiri kalo mau hidup lebih sehat tahun ini dan salah satu caranya ya dengan olahraga, terutama lari karena gue ngerasa lebih tenang setelah lari beberapa putaran di lapangan. Ketiga, walaupun gue gak diet tapi gue berusaha ngebatesin porsi makan dan ngurangin kebiasaan ngemil. Gue juga udah hampir 2 bulan ini berusaha buat minum minimal 2 liter air putih tiap harinya. Keempat dan sekaligus terakhir, berat badan gue udah turun beberapa kilo, so please stop complaining to me about my weight. That's not your business, it's mine.

I know that I don't have to explain myself but lately I've been getting a lot of comments about my body. And I'm actually surprised to find I bite back their comments with my sarcastic tone. I remember answered this to one of my high school friends, "kita udah lama gak ketemu dan hal pertama yang muncul di pikiranmu itu tentang aku yang tambah gendut? Interesting".

None of them said anything afterwards.

Kisses,

Dee 

Kids: Then and Now

Hi everyone! Finals are over and I'm finally back to write (hopefully) on a regular basis. I can not tell you how relieved I am because my fifth semester is over. Only three more semesters until I get my bachelor degree! Phew, that's not a long time! Also, that means I'm getting older as well.

Even so, there are things I actually do not enjoy. One of them is growing up.

Semakin tua umur seseorang, maka orang-orang akan mengharapkan satu hal: kedewasaan. Dan jujur aja, I'm not ready yet. Masih banyak hal yang pengen gue pelajari termasuk arti daripada kedewasaan itu sendiri.

Why? Karena akhir-akhir ini gue sadar, ternyata banyak anak yang udah atau malah diharuskan dewasa sebelum waktunya. Mereka yang seharusnya masih lugu dan memikirkan sekolah malah dipaksa memikirkan hal-hal lain yang seharusnya menjadi tanggung jawab orang tua.

Gue bersyukur karena selama 12 tahun wajib belajar, gak sekalipun orang tua maksa gue buat mikir hal-hal berat selain tugas sekolah. As my father would say, "kewajiban utama seorang pelajar itu ya belajar". Meskipun gue pengen banget kerja paruh waktu buat ngurangin beban orang tua, they wouldn't let me.

Hidup di keluarga yang alhamdulilah berkecukupan juga ngebuat gue lebih sadar dan lebih berusaha kalo pengen sesuatu. Gue masih inget banget, HP pertama gue dulu itu merek Nokia bekas salah satu om gue. Masih monoponik, dan layarnya warna biru ngejreng. Kalo di jaman sekarang sih, HP kayak gitu udah mending dibuang aja. Padahal jaman segitu, HP gitu doang aja ngedapetinnya penuh perjuangan. Gue harus lulus dan masuk ke SMP negeri (bukan hal yang mudah untuk siswi Madrasah Ibtidaiyah yang hanya memiliki 9 orang murid). People underestimated me all the time, making me self-conscious.

Beda banget sama anak-anak sekarang yang gampang banget minta HP ke orang tua mereka. Gak sedikit pula orang tua yang, gak tanggung-tanggung, beliin iPhone buat anak mereka. Gue pribadi tau dan kenal beberapa anak SD yang udah make iPhone. *cringe inwardly*

It amazed me, to be honest. Semudah itu para orang tua memanjakan anaknya. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, cuma kalo dimanjain secara berlebihan itu kan gak baik. Pak, Bu, mereka masih kecil. Masih bocah. Kalo dalam waktu semuda itu udah dibeliin gadget mewah, ya panjenengan gak boleh protes kalo nilai mereka turun drastis. Jangan serta merta nyalahin gurunya di sekolah. That's completely wrong and twisted.

Gue emang bukan pakar anak, lah punya anak aja belum kok (jangankan anak, pacar aja gak punya LOL). Tapi semenjak punya kerja sampingan jadi guru les, gue jadi lumayan sering perhatiin perilaku anak-anak, terutama yang ada di sekitar gue. Hasilnya? Gue dapet beberapa pembanding yang lumayan ekstrim antara anak jaman dulu dan sekarang.

Anak jaman sekarang itu kecanduan banget sama yang namanya gadget. Disini gue gak mau munafik karena gue juga lumayan kecanduan tapi kalo disuruh matiin/ninggal, yah gue biasa aja. Sementara anak jaman sekarang susah pisah dari perangkat elektronik. Gue punya satu murid les yang hampir gak bisa lepas sama tablet-nya. Just for your information, dia masih kelas 3 SD. 

Yang ada di pikiran gue saat itu adalah "perasaan dulu waktu SD gue cuman mainan bongkar pasang sama boneka". Di jaman itulah gue belajar berimajinasi. Otak gue secara gak langsung diasah sama persoalan-persoalan sepele yang ada. "Kalo Barbie make ini, Ken nya harus make jas yang mana ya", pertanyaan konyol macam ini sering banget gue tanyain ke diri gue sendiri.

Perbedaan yang paling mencolok adalah anak jaman dulu takut banget sama yang namanya orang tua. Kenapa? Karena sebagian orang tua gak ragu buat main fisik kalo anaknya udah dianggap keterlaluan. Some of you may think "that's not a good parenting". Emang sih cara kayak gitu sebenernya gak dibolehin tapi efeknya? Anak-anak lebih nurut orang tua karena mereka tau hukuman apa yang akan mereka terima ketika mereka berbuat salah.

Coba kita bandingin sama anak jaman sekarang. Banyak yang berani sama orang tua. Pake kekerasan dikit dibilang KDRT. It's funny because I still remember my father spanked me when I did something wrong and there were times when my mother had had enough of my rebellion so she just casually threw my stuff out of the house. Tentu, anak sekarang pasti mikir orang tua gue kejam. Tapi the way I see it, itu adalah bukti kasih sayang mereka. Mereka cuma gak mau gue jadi anak pembangkang dan gak tau aturan. Hasilnya? Gue lebih bisa jadi orang yang menghargai waktu dan segan sama orang yang lebih tua.

Tapi yah, apalah daya gue yang cuma anak remaja ingusan. Cuma bisa nulis di blog doang karena gak ada yang bersedia ngedengerin ocehan gue. However, these are my opinions. How about you? Comment in the box below about it.

Kisses,

Dee

#LoveWins: A piece of respect

Hello loves!

Today I'd like to write about a very sensitive topic, not only in Indonesia, but in the whole world as well. I know that not everyone agrees with Supreme Court's decision earlier this month about gay marriage. And well, I just found it really interesting to write my very own opinions about this.

And I think I'd get some comments after I put this up. Since, you know, this is still a controversial thing. But really, I will not suggest homophobic people to read this. I suggest to leave the page immediately because as a matter of fact, I don't want you homophobic people write or talk nasty stuff after you read this. So, please, get the hell out of my blog.

Although it's absolutely okay for you who curious or even want to say your opinion towards this topic in the comment box below. OPINIONS, folks.

#LoveWins

"Being gay is a sin."

"You're disgusting."

"You shouldn't support LGBT community."

Those are only a few comments I've read online, whether it just a status on facebook, a tweet, or even a comment that sent by someone for me.

And before you think anything, just remember that I'm straight. This post is written because I want to talk/write about my opinions. 

Why?

Because I believe I have the right to do so. Everyone can say what they want as long as it doesn't offend anyone (even though people tend to offend someone with what their opinions nowadays). So, I will try to write what I have in mind without hurting anyone's feeling.

FYI, I do not fully support gay marriage. But I, in fact, admire the bravery of the LGBT community. You see, coming out of the closet (for you who don't know, it's a phrase about telling the world that you're gay) isn't easy as it seems. There are literally tons of hate you'll get once you came out.

I love Youtube. And one thing that I love, is that how powerful Youtube in teenagers life. Some of the youtubers decided to come out online. Tyler Oakley, Troye Sivan, Connor Franta, Ingrid Nilsen, and many others. Oh, Ellen DeGeneres and Cara Delevingne are both gays (if you don't know who they are, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? For serious tho, both women are very successful entertainers). If you happen to be curious, I would recommend their coming out videos. They were simply made because these people wanted the world to know that they're gay. But it doesn't make them any less creative or inspiring. Their videos/experience have made some people be more brave. I've read bunch of comments and posts about how people came out after watching those videos.

Some of you may think it's wrong to love someone with the same gender as you. Well, I think screw it. We always talk about equality. Especially equality between men and women. 

Confused? Okay, let me explain.

We all know society treats men like they have higher power than any women could have. For example, only men could be taxi or bus drivers, or footballers. Meanwhile women should stay at home, taking care of the kids. Not all women were pleased about this. So, they fought so hard for justice, for equality. And we can see the result at the present time. Women drive buses and taxis, we even see women play football.

Most of people want to be married at some point in their lives. You know, it would be very nice to have someone waiting on the couch when you had a rough day at work. The gays want that as well. They want someone to grow old with. Someone who will love them unconditionally.

I don't try to make you support gay marriage when I still can't fully support it. I only want you to respect the LGBT community. That's all I ask from you.

If we could tolerate how bad society treated women, why can't we tolerate them?

They don't cause any trouble for you, do they? So, please people. It's okay if you don't accept them, they don't need your acceptance to be who they are anyway. But please do not hate them for who they are, do not try to change or 'cure' them (they may be offended by that, if you don't notice).

Those people are still humans. They have feelings, they have insecurities, and they have rights to be alive. The very same rights as you. Please, I beg of you. Stop hating on them. And please stop wishing them to be dead. It sickens me to no end that people wish them to die.

Did any of that make any sense to you? Because if not, I'd just try to even shorten it to one sentence.

#LoveWins is about equality and giving a little respect to the LGBT community

So yeah, I think that's all I've got now. Maybe I will add some things in the future, I don't know. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy reading this post.

Later, loves.

Dina

Being a fangirl

Not everyone is aware of the effects of my fangirling life. What they know is that I'll be someone different whenever I start fangirling. And truth be told, that is true. But most people only know that I'm a hyperactive person in my fangirling life, which is annoying according to them. I will not deny that too.

There are also so many positive sides from it. In here I will explain to you about the positive sides of being a fangirl.

1. You will learn new languages

Okay, everyone knows I'm a Directioner and Simpsonizer. They came from Britain, Ireland, and Australia. Meanwhile I live in Indonesia. I hated English when I was in middle school. But at the 9th grade, I started to like western musicians. From that moment on, I promised myself to study English a little bit more often so I can understand what they are saying. This case also goes for K-Pop fans. They learn Korean so they'll understand what their idols saying.

2. You will get new friends from across the world

This is important. As for me, I know some people through Twitter. I have 3 good friends who live in different cities in Indonesia and couple of friends from England and America. If you're lucky, they might help you to do things (send direct messages to your idols for example). You also get to practice your English (or any other languages you've learned) with them as well. There will be time when you feel like "Oh, I'm so glad I joined this fandom" because you find your soulmates from across the world, the ones who share the same passion as you.

3. Somehow, your idols help you

I'm so proud to say I'm almost a year clean. You have no idea how crazy my life can get. Back to my high school years.. I was so depressed yet I couldn't tell anyone about it. I kept bottling my emotions. My life as a fangirl had helped me so much in the past few years. Everytime I felt like I was about to break, I would log on to my Twitter account and doing some rant. People there were so supportive.

I also always listening to music whenever I feel like I have nobody. Because music can understand me. I don't know about any of you, but for me, being a Directioner is a big deal. Like, they always supportive and tell us how beautiful and how much we meant for them. They've helped me so much on my way to be sober. I don't give a shit if you say I'm lying because this is the absolute truth.

4. You will be much happier

I can assure you this one. As far as I know, people will be much happier after they joined a fandom. I assume this is because once you join a fandom, that means you join a family. You get sisters also brothers. Maybe not all of them will be nice to you but believe me, there are so many great people who will accept you as their 'sibling'.

5. There is such thing as 'alone'

You will have so many friends sticking up for you, cheer you up when you feel lonely. When your real life gets so much harder, your fangirling friends will make you forget all of your problems and just be happy although it just for a few minutes.

I'm so happy with my fangirling life. Of course it's not always filled with laughter, there are times when I feel like I'm so done and feel like giving up (ex: when Zayn left One Direction, when Cody got too 'cozy' with Kylie Jenner, when Tyler Hoechlin decided to not be a regular cast on Teen Wolf, when Cory Monteith died). But in the end of the day, I know that I'm not alone. There are so many people who feel the very same feeling with me. And then together, we will be happy again.

Being a fangirl is not bad as long as you're not too wrapped up in your fangirling life. You still have real life and real people to deal with.

Cheers,

Dina