Dengarkan saja!

Terkadang, kita gak perlu banyak orang buat ngasih berjuta saran dan solusi. Kita cuma butuh seseorang yang mau mendengarkan cerita kita dari awal sampe akhir. Cerita sedih, bahagia, bimbang, semuanya. Karena kelegaan sebenarnya bukan berasal dari saran yang mereka berikan, kelegaan itu berasal dari perhatian mereka saat mendengarkan cerita kita.

Di jaman yang serba maju ini, kita bisa mudah mendengarkan curhatan seseorang melalui berbagai media. Via telepon atau video call, misalnya. Meskipun tidak ada skinship, kita tetap bisa mendengarkan cerita orang lain. Tapi sayangnya, kemudahan ini justru sering dijadikan alasan untuk menganggap remeh cerita seseorang. Sebagai contoh, ketika kita sedang curhat dengan seoirang teman namun dia malah sibuk sendiri dengan ponselnya.

Sebel. Kesel. Kecewa. Tapi nggak bisa ngapa - ngapain. Mending nggak usah cerita sekalian daripada lagi serius - seriusnya cerita eh malah enggak diperhatiin gitu.

As a survivor myself, it is still hard to find someone who truly cares about you mentally. Most people want to know what’s going on bu they rarely give a damn. Curiosity kills a cat, they say. But I know for sure sometimes it’s better to write my emotions on my journal than talk about it to other people. I’m not saying I won’t share my story, yang udah kenal sama gue pasti tau kalo gue suka cerita apalagi tentang yang berbau kesehatan jiwa. Sebagai seseorang yang used to bottle things up, ngungkapin apa yang kita rasain emang lebih sehat dan dianjurkan oleh tenaga profesional.

Semua orang punya emosi, baik itu yang positif maupun negatif. Ada yang bilang kalo semua emosi itu baik tapi gue gak setuju. Beberapa emosi memang ada dampak positif such as happiness. Tapi beberapa emosi justru punya negative traits such as rage and sadness. If you happen to experience rage, you will notice that things may get blurry and everything seems to be wrong. Begitu juga sebaliknya, ketika kita ngerasa bahagia, hal-hal di sekitar kita jadi menyenangkan.

Here’s a tip for you; kalo seseorang udah mau terbuka dengan kita, please listen to them tentatively. Who knows we are the last call who can help their lives? Dengarkan saja mereka, dengarkan dengan penuh kesadaran bahwa kita adalah orang terpilih yang mereka jadikan sandaran dalam hidup. Dan untuk kalian yang sudah menjadi pendengar yang baik, terima kasih. Thank you for listening.

Kisses,

Dee

Braless??!

I can't believe I'm writing about being braless but this is what I have in mind for the past couple of days and I just get it out of my system. Yes, I can write this on other social media such as Facebook and Instagram, or even rant on Twitter. But this is probably gonna be a long narrative so why not write here on my blog, right? I need to keep this blog alive somehow.

When I was a kid, specifically when I just started to wear a bra, people were telling me that a woman should always wear bras, be it for indoor or outdoor activity. If I didn't obey it, then my boobs would get saggy and all over the place.

Being a kid myself, of course, I'm afraid and eventually adhere to what people say. I don't want my boobs to get saggy, what would boys think of me?! I wanna have pretty boobs so I can get a boyfriend that loves me with all he has. These were my thoughts when I started to wear bras. I was too naive. All I had in mind was getting dolled up and being pretty so I can attract boys. My current mindset had changed a lot from that.

I then learned that there are many types of boobs. You can know further about this stuff by reading here. I also learned about feminism and loving myself more. Loving myself means accepting every tiny part of my body. It means I have to stop comparing my body to others. Sure, I can lose a few pounds of my weight but it means nothing if I don't like myself, huh?

Starting from last year, I go braless as many times as I can, mostly when I'm at home. When I was living on my own last year, going braless is such a blessing. Women must know that feeling when we take off our bras after a long day at work. I always take off mine right after I arrived home and for the love of God, it feels uh-ma-zing.

I do this solely because it feels restricted to wear bras when I sleep but based on some articles I read, it actually makes me sleep better. I don't have to worry about saggy boobs because every woman has their own type of boobs. Always wearing bras also not good for my shoulder and neck, so taking it off definitely makes it better for me personally.

I don't want to tell you to go commando (without underwear) or braless. I just want to tell you that there are a lot of benefits from going braless. You may read the benefits here or here. I don't want to write a post about health without providing relatable articles. So you may want to read those articles to know better about the benefits of going braless.

So, now you know about it. I personally like going braless because somehow it feels empowering. It's also such a hassle to put on one. How about you, ladies? Do you like to go braless? Or contemplating to do it?

Also, the whole COVID-19 pandemic is really serious so I hope you all stay safe. Stay at home and don't go out unless it's urgent or important. Don't go to crowded places and hang out with your friends for a while. We can help by obeying what the government says. 

Keep safe,

Dee

Expectation(s)

Hi, believe it or not I have lots of notes that are waiting to be uploaded. Every time I start writing something, it always ends up in my draft folder. Sorry for being busy in the past couple of months..

After losing my cousin, I felt like nothing even mattered anymore. Crying has been one of the things I do often lately. My chest is heavy like all the time and I've run out creative ideas. I don't want the depression coming back into my life but right now, I feel like it's ghosting around me.. waiting to be greeted.

In my whole life, I always worry about stupid things. I worry about my grades, my family, my friends, my work, I even worry about how people look at me. Even though my mum says I shouldn't think too much about people's perception of me.

Too bad I can't control it.

People have always had high expectations when it comes to life.

I was often in the top ten in class while I was in school. From the first moment I got my A, my family expects me to get the best grades. My dad would be really angry if my grades are dropping even just a little bit. I know I should be grateful because that means he cares about my education but I can't help but thinking, what if I weren't as good as I am now?

I mean, I'm not a perfect human being but at least I still have a few skills I'm proud of having. Still.. sometimes I wonder what'll my family do if I were a different person.

Most people say that I'm friendly and easygoing. They told me over and over that I should be happy to have that kind of personality. What they don't know is that I am grateful. It just.. having that personality makes people have expectations about me.

People expect a girl like me should have more friends and cheerful all the damn time. But what sucks the most is that they expect me to be okay even after they hurt and used me. You have no idea how much energy I use to get over the fact that people aren't always good; they are bad people running around as well.

I'm not saying that expecting things is bad in general. I'm writing this post because I just think everyone should understand that knowing someone should make us not have various expectations about him/her. If they are good at one thing then what? What will happen is not our business, it's purely theirs.

I want to scream loudly just so people will stop expect things from me.

I'm literally crying and begging them to stop it because I'm tired.

I'm tired of fulfilling their expectations and being a punch bag when I fail. I'm tired living up to the high expectations of the others.

It's too early for this. I have to continue writing my undergrad thesis anyway. So, I will go for now.

Kisses

Dee

Women

Earlier today, I met some amazing women.

Ceritanya, gue lagi antri untuk pijet karena bahu gue sering sakit belakangan ini. Nah, waktu antri ini ternyata lebih dari separuh pasien itu ibu-ibu. Emang dasarnya gue gak terlalu ngerti mereka ngomong apa, gue milih buat diem dan ngedengerin musik di Spotify.

I had no idea that they've been suffering some serious injuries. Ada yang jatuh dari motor, kepleset, sampe nabrak pintu. Gue baru ngeh setelah salah satu ibu itu nidurin anaknya pake satu tangan. Kemudian gue juga gak sengaja liat kaki kanannya yang bengkak parah. Gue aja ngeri sendiri liatnya. Tapi si ibu ini justru bilang "Aduh, Mbak. Ini udah jauh lebih baik kok. Sebelumnya malah item banget, dibuat jalan susahnya minta ampun".

Gue kaget, bingung mau bales apa. Eh tiba-tiba salah ada yang nyeletuk "Kok bisa sampe separah itu sih, Bu?"

Si ibu yang lagi nidurin anaknya itu cuma senyum kecil sebelum ngejawab dengan enteng "Iya, Bu. Waktu saya abis jatuh kan emang sebenernya udah sakit tapi kebetulan desa saya lagi ada acara. Gak sempet diurut. Setelah acara desa selesai, saya langsung sibuk ngurusin anak saya yang bungsu ini. Kaki yang udah sakit tetep saya pake kesana-kemari. Tau-tau udah bengkak dan warnanya item gitu, Bu." 

Dari pernyataan itu, pengakuan-pengakuan lain mulai keluar.

"Suami saya awalnya gak percaya kalo saya sakit. Waktu abis liat hasil roentgen malah trus tanya kenapa saya gak cerita kalo kaki saya sesakit itu. Lah kan lucu ya, Bu. Orang saya kasih tau aja malah saya diketawain eh trus malah bilang gitu." (Ibu ini gak sengaja nabrak pintu, kakinya keseleo parah)

"Saya dulu waktu hamil anak kedua juga gitu, Bu. Kebetulan perut saya gede banget trus gak sengaja kaki saya nabrak kaki meja. Mau bungkuk gak bisa, suami juga bilangnya gak papa, ya udah akhirnya saya biarin. Eh, tau-tau udah bengkak."

I was too speechless to even form a word. Gue yang sebelumnya masih bisa nimbrung sesekali langsung mati kutu setelah denger cerita ibu-ibu ini. They suffer serious injuries yet they do nothing but taking care of their family.

Dasarnya gue sentimental, pikiran gue langsung melayang ke Ibuk gue sendiri. How many times did my mother suffer like them? Hiding her pain just so she can see a smile upon my face? Ya Allah, gue pengen nangis.

Hari ini gue berumur 20. One step closer towards the motherhood.

Apa gue bisa menjadi srikandi kayak ibu-ibu tadi? Apa gue bisa menyembunyikan rasa sakit gue walaupun rasanya udah gak karuan? I don't think I'll be able to do all of that. Not yet, at least.

Gue pernah denger temen gue ngomong gini "Jadi cewek mah gampang. Gak perlu kerja tapi kebutuhan udah tercukupi". Gampang gundulmu.

Jadi seorang cewek atau wanita itu gak gampang. We have to go through a cycle called p-e-r-i-o-d. Emosi gak stabil, perut sakit, badan pegel-pegel, dan juga harus ganti pembalut setiap 4 jam sekali. Belum lagi kalo hamil trus melahirkan. Women risk their lives to give birth. Masih mau bilang gampang?

Postingan ini mulai ngaco.

The point is.. being a woman isn't easy as it looks. Don't underestimate us just because we like to wear make up. Sejatinya, setiap orang di dunia ini lahir dari rahim seorang wanita. So, it would be nice for men to treat us nicely.

What I wrote above were my thoughts of being a new 20 years-old woman. Happy 20th birthday to myself. May God guide me always.

Kisses,

Dee

Cerita Kita #CastingCallBatch2

I'd like to start this post with a simple thank you to my parents and my bestfriends +Sri Rejeki Handayani and +ulin nuha for always believe in me. And of course, for +Gogirl! Magazine and CleanAndClear for this huge opportunity.

Thank you so much. I'm so grateful and honored to be involved in such a huge event :)

Sekitar satu atau dua bulan yang lalu, aku lagi iseng buka laman Facebook, kebetulan ada advertisement tentang Casting Call untuk kontributor Cerita Kita Batch 2. Ada 5 kelas yang akan dimentori oleh orang-orang yang berpengalaman; Photography Class, Beauty Class, Graphic Design Class, Fashion Styling Class, dan Writing Class. Karena aku memang udah suka nulis sejak jaman sekolah, aku mutusin buat daftar ke Writing Class.

Honestly, gak pernah terlintas di benakku akan lolos ke final. Aku bahkan sebenernya udah lupa kalo pernah daftar acara ini.

Sampe kira-kira 2 minggu yang lalu, aku dapet telpon dari nomer Jakarta waktu lagi ngajar les. Tapi karena HP sering aku silent, telpon itu cuma sekedar lewat alias missed call aja. Besoknya, nomer itu ngehubungin lagi waktu aku perjalanan pulang kuliah. Begitu sampe rumah, ada SMS dari Kak Annisa yang minta aku buat notice dia kalo udah bisa dihubungin. Sekitar 30 menit kemudian, Kak Annisa telpon ke nomerku dan kasih kabar ke aku yang jadi salah satu calon finalis Casting Call Batch 2. Remember the keyword here, calon. Even so, aku udah excited banget.

Keesokan harinya, aku bolak-balik ngunjungin laman Cerita Kita buat liat pengumuman. Karena sampe malem belum ada postingan juga, aku nyerah dan berhenti. 

Waktu hari Sabtu, 29 Agustus 2015, kebetulan paket internet smartphoneku lagi habis. Praktis, aku gak bisa buka website. Akhirnya, aku minta tolong Yani untuk ngecek website Cerita Kita, mungkin aja udah di-post. Gak ada 15 menit, dia udah SMS lagi ke aku, ngasih tau kalo namaku ada di daftar finalis.

Setelah perdebatan singkat yang konyol, aku akhirnya beli pulsa untuk paket internet dan langsung buka ngetik alamat Cerita Kita di tab baru. Kaget, seneng, gak nyangka, speechless, semuanya jadi satu waktu beneran ada namaku di daftar. Masih inget banget tanganku gemetar karena excitement.

Sekitar seminggu kemudian, Kak Nisa mulai ngehubungin aku tentang rencana keberangkatan dan segala macemnya. It was exciting! Kebetulan aku gak sengaja nemu Ulfa yang ternyata berdomisili di Salatiga. We chatted and talked about the upcoming event which was so fun.

Me and Ulfa on our way to Jakarta

Akhirnya, hari yang dinantiin dateng juga. Hari Sabtu kemarin (12/09/15), aku dan Ulfa yang emang udah janjian buat ketemu di bandara akhirnya terbang ke Jakarta. Our flight was so early, I nearly fell asleep on my way to airport hahaha. Sesampainya di bandara Soekarno-Hatta, ternyata kita itu peserta luar kota yang terakhir. Azizah (Pekanbaru), Balqis (Lampung), dan Janis (Bali) udah duluan nyampe di Gate 2F. Sebenernya ada Ollyvia (Manado) tapi ternyata karena ada miskom, Ollyvia udah keburu dijemput sama temennya.

Dari bandara, Kak Ayu langsung nganterin kita ke venue acara, Conclave. We arrived way too early. Alhasil kita harus nunggu di Library selama beberapa jam.

Yay for all of us!

Sekitar jam 1-an, setelah para finalis selesai registrasi dan foto di photobooth yang keren banget (I want to see the pictures really bad!), kita masuk ke salah satu ruangan untuk acara pembukaan gitu. Kak Ucita Pohan yang bertugas sebagai MC berhasil ngebuat acara tambah seru!

Kemudian, aku masuk ke ruangan yang khusus disediain untuk Writing Class bareng 10 finalis lain. We got Anita Moran as our coach! Kak Anita bukan cuma jago dalam hal Creative Writing, dia juga bisa bikin layout jadi tambah menarik gitu, plus she's super gorgeous! 

We learned from the best!

Setelah belajar gimana cara membuat artikel yang baik, kita diwajibkan buat nulis satu artikel dengan tema bebas sebanyak satu halaman dengan waktu 45 menit. I remember how the others were typing furiously to their laptops and I just sat there, lacking ideas. Pikiranku bener-bener blank. Modal nekat, aku nulis apa aja yang ada di pikiranku. Pada akhirnya, baru paragraf ketiga udah stuck gitu aja. Sempet bete abis karena cewek yang disamping kanan-kiriku udah mulai editing artikel mereka, akhirnya aku ganti judul. Gak cuma sekali, aku kemarin sampe 2 atau 3 kali ganti judul.

Abis itu pasrah aja. I didn't expect anything from it. Karena aku sadar, tulisanku jauh banget dari kata sempurna. Tapi yang paling penting bukan hasil akhir, melainkan prosesnya. Bisa termasuk dalam 50 finalis dan bisa dateng ke Jakarta aja udah bersyukur banget.

I looked so tiny here LOL

Smile can make you happy

Sebelum pengumuman, ada Join Class dulu dong. Di kelas ini, semuanya bebas buat tanya tentang confidence dan skin problems. Seru! Banyak pengetahuan baru yang aku dapet dari kelas ini. Salah satu yang paling penting, masih bisa pake make up meskipun wajah lagi berjerawat dengan syarat tidak mengandung minyak.


Acara selanjutnya, pengumuman pemenang Instagram. 

Pada saat pembukaan, Kak Uci udah nyuruh para peserta workshop buat upload foto sebanyak-banyaknya di Instagram dengan caption yang menarik dan diberi hashtag #SiapTampil #CastingCallBatch2, serta mention akun Instagram GoGirl! dan Cerita Kita. Aku sendiri gak jago dalam hal foto, I basically just take whatever I like. Jadi, I was surprised to hear my name. Gak nyangka banget bisa menang padahal cuma upload foto sederhana di Instagram. Thank you for the MAP Voucher, GoGirl! 

Instagram winners!

Acara terakhir, the announcement. Pengumumuman 10 kontributor Cerita Kita dari 5 kelas yang ada. Aku dan Ulfa (she was in the Photography Class) udah gak berharap buat lolos. Yang ada di pikiran kita adalah "kapan ke hotel?". Before you think anything further, just remember we came to the Ahmad Yani airport at 6 in the morning. Sementara pengumuman itu dibacain sekitar jam 5. We were tired, yes. Tapi hal itu gak menyurutkan semangat kita untuk bertepuk tangan ketika satu-persatu kontributor terpilih dipanggil ke depan. They worked hard, we needed to appreciate that!

My expression on the second one tho..

Waktu Kak Uci manggil namaku pertama kali, aku cuma bisa bengong. I turned to Ulfa and said, "Is that true? Aku? Beneran?". Sampe akhirnya beberapa cewek yang ada di depanku tepuk tangan meriah dan Ulfa nyuruh aku buat maju. My hands were shaking and I wanted to cry so freaking bad! Semuanya terjadi di luar perkiraanku.

She was such an amazing coach! Thank you, Kak Anita Moran!

It was definitely worth the early flight and missing the orientation day at my uni.

Malemnya, Kak Ayu dan finalis yang berasal dari luar kota langsung meluncur ke Hotel Grand Kemang. Lagi-lagi aku berpasangan sama Ulfa hahaha. Di kamar, kita ngomongin banyak hal random sampe akhirnya perut minta diisi. We decided to go to Domino's Pizza, karena kebetulan voucherku berlaku di situ.

Kita sampe di hotel lagi jam 10 malem dan langsung siap-siap tidur. She slept first meanwhile I did my homework which is due today. 

Paginya, aku bangun lebih dulu dan langsung cek HP (kebiasan buruk! *scold myself*). Sekitar jam 07.30, kita berdua turun buat sarapan sekalian check out. Time flew too fast! Tau-tau kita berdua udah di bandara lagi untuk pulang ke Semarang.

Iya tau, muka aku emang lebar :p

By the way, I met my internet friend today as well! Hi, Nabila!! 4 tahun temenan dan akhirnya bisa ketemu walau cuma sebentar. Makasih gifts-nya, I love them very much! I still hope to see you again, maybe with Reiza next time! Love you, bub! 

Aku sadar banget betapa beruntungnya aku selama weekend ini. I went to Jakarta without any expectation and came home with these incredible gifts. Gak ada kata-kata yang bisa aku rangkai untuk mengekspresikan betapa senang dan terhormatnya aku karena terpilih jadi kontributor untuk Cerita Kita dari Batch 2.

Thank you, Nab!

Dear readers, di akhir post ini aku mau bilang beberapa hal:

1. BERMIMPILAH. As long as you can dream it, there is a hope. And that hope will make you believe, you can achieve it.
2. Have faith in yourself. Jangan hiraukan mereka yang pengen liat kamu gagal.
3. DON'T EVER GIVE UP. Hidup memang gak mudah, tapi kamu jangan nyerah gitu aja. Keep trying, although people are doubting you.

Writing has always been my passion since a long time ago. 

I used to write secretly in my book just so my parents won't be suspicious. Dan ini adalah kesempatan besar yang aku dapetin dengan usahaku sendiri. Do you know how it feels? It feels fun-freaking-tastic! I earned this and I'm proud of myself.

I am awkward but I'm still happy!

Last but not least, terima kasih kepada semua yang terlibat event menakjubkan ini!

I swear I didn't rob a drugstore!

Gogirl! Magazine yang bener-bener total dalam semua hal dan Clean and Clear yang gak berhenti menyemangati para gadis remaja untuk menemukan passion. Terima kasih banyak! Dan untuk para finalis, you girls are so talented and I'm more than happy to meet you. Sukses terus semuanya!


Photocredit: Ulfa, @Gogirlmagazine, @CleanandClearID, @ceritakitaID

I FREAKING DID IT!

Kisses,

Dee

Clingy :/

It’s been a while, I know. To start off, I’d like to apologize. I was too wrapped up with my new job and writing fics. There were a couple of times when I really wanted to write here but again, I was too lazy (covering my face with a pillow because I’m so ashamed right now).

So, everyone knows I’m single (I’ve been.. for a while now). And most of time, I’m not complaining about that because being single is just amazing. I can be friends with whoever I want, I can cuss whenever I like (although I don’t cuss a lot in real life), and of course I don’t have to share any food.

The thing is.. there are also times when I just want someone to hold me when I cry, telling me it will be okay. Yes, I have great bestfriends and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. But still, I want someone giving me attention, goofing around with me, and loving me no matter what stupid acts I will do in the future.

The thought of someone whispering nothing but sweet words.. it’s soothing. I want to shower that special someone with compliments just because he deserves it. If he can keep up with my crazy antics or even weird mood swings I often have, then yes, he fucking deserves thousand of compliments.

I don’t want to sound like I’m too clingy (which I’m pretty sure will scare most of people). But I AM CLINGY. Like it or not, I’m that kind of person who will text you at one in the morning just because I can’t sleep and I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s my way to show you how much I care about you and I don’t want to lose you to some stupid problems. You don't have to reply straight away, obviously. I'm not that clingy.

People always be like, “ew, she’s way too clingy. That’s disgusting”. It makes me so insecure about myself and question my sanity.

“Are they gonna leave me now that they know how clingy I could be?”

“I shouldn’t have done that, he’ll know I’m a clingy person”

“Oh crap, that question just slipped. Now they will rethink their opinions about me”

I, you, all of us for that matter, we shouldn't be sorry for being US. We don't owe people shit, do we? We are allowed to be a little clingy. But society is so frustrating! We have a fucked up society and sometimes it just angered me to no end.

I’m not seeking for attention. And I promise you, clingy doesn’t mean creepy. I may stalk your accounts once in a while or constantly checking in with you, just to assure myself that you are okay. But that’s it. There is no way I will collect every data about you, I'm not a psycho.

Clingy means we care about someone. In my opinion, clingy is good (but not too clingy tho). It just shows how much we trust him/her and we allow ourselves to be vulnerable in front of him/her.

Do you honestly think it's easy to be clingy? NO. NOPE.

Take me for an example. I can be attached to someone pretty quickly but then when they just left without any explanation, I will be a sobbing mess. Why? Because I genuinely care about them (maybe a bit too much). It hurts so much when people think it's okay to step on my feelings.

To anyone who still stands by me through everything– I salute you. There aren’t much people who willing to do that and I’m so grateful.

Kisses,

Dee

A sky full of stars

Oh, hellooooooo!

Sorry I've been MIA (Missing In Action) for a month but to my defense, I was really busy with a lot of activities and then I was sick for about a week. Sick, like.. really sick. I was hospitalized for 3 days and I had to take medicines for the next 5 days. I couldn't do anything. I could barely walk and eat properly. So yeah, it felt a lot like I was grounded because I couldn't touch my laptop, only my phone.

But other than that, you could say I'm healthy now. I would like to hug and kiss my parents, especially my mom because they were there when I needed them the most.

New semester! I'm officially a senior now. And to think a year could go that fast... such a mindblowing (I still remember perfectly I was a freshman last year, a junior). I'm including to those who have to make this kind of "welcoming celebration". Not exactly a celebration, we call it "Ospek" here in Indonesia but whatever. But for the reminder, it makes me extremely busy.

Alright, enough with the catch-up. What I'm gonna write today is more likely far from what I wrote above.

Let's talk about "balanced life".

 Maybe for some of us, we may think "balanced? my life is full of happiness!" or maybe "I don't think balanced life is exists since my life is stuck in misery and such". And to be brutally honest, I've been in both position. I felt like the world is too cruel to me but then I felt like God has blessed me in so many ways and so I'm happy.

But to think again, life is basically balanced. Just like the world has made of. There are poor people and rich people. Sick and healthy life. As for life, it's like 50% of our lives are filled with happiness meanwhile the other 50% are filled with sadness, the misery. For the result, there are days when we just happy but there are also days when we just want to cry our hearts out (or is it just me?)



I also discovered that there is a big possibility that this-balanced-life happen in just a day. For the example, there was a little boy who just had a new toy. He was over the moon because his daddy rarely gives him a new toy, useless, as he would say. But when the night came, him and his parents were forced to move out from their house because as it turned out, his daddy hadn't paid the rent for 2 months. The little boy was crying so hard because it was really cold outside and they had no house to stay.

See what I mean?

It's not like we can choose it. God has planned it all, the best plan for us humans. Maybe we don't know yet why but someday, we will. I believe that know.


Sure it's not easy to have this kind of balanced life. All we want is just to be happy but again, what's the meaning of life if you never make a mistake? Life is a scary and mysterious thing. But no matter how scary it is, how miserable we are, we will find a way to make things better, to be happy again just like we want to.

I can't say I'm 100% happy about the half percentage of misery in my life but no matter what happens, I'm still living in it. And that is my fate, so I just gonna find a way to make my misery days a little bit better. Blogging for example, it's one of my escape when things around me get too much. I can write whatever I want (as long as it doesn't offend someone) just to make my sadness go away even it just a bit.

I'm not the world's best at giving advice but most of my friends say that some of my advices had helped them through the hard time. To be honest, I also think my bestfriends also the reason why I can accept the fact that I can't be 100% happy. So what if I have bad days? They've got my back and I've got theirs.

A friend of mine said this once :

"Smile. Somebody could be falling in love with your smile."

Smile, sunshine. Because as in one of Coldplay's song, a sky is full of stars. One of them is maybe you. And you will go lighter in the dark.



Cheers,


Dina

Wtf is PMS?!

According to Wikipedia..

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS), also called premenstrual tension (PMT) is a collection of emotional symptoms, with or without physical symptoms, related to a woman's menstrual cycle.

As for me, PMS is hell. I always have cramps,  food cravings, tender breats, depression, and of course, mood swings. But it is the only time in a month I can be mad everything and no one will fight me back. Of course it's not right to use PMS as an excuse but who the hell cares?

I easily get irritated, whether I'm on my period or when PMS attacks me. And truth to be told, I find everything and everyone is annoying. Like, when my bestfriends calling me names as a joke, if I'm not PMS-ing I'm just gonna flip that off and laugh with them but it is a whole different deal when the PMS attacks. I will be another person, it's like satan sneaks up to me (too much?).

Men always complain when women are on their period. Saying that we are too much to handle and we are so out of control. Meanwhile we feel so much pain. I tend to swear a lot when I'm PMS-ing, that's not right, I know, but who cares? I'm definitely not give a single f-ck about that (I'm currently on my period, so forgive my language) when it's my PMS time. Seriously though, my stomach hurts like a little b-tch. It's like somebody twists my uterus.

Thankfully, my bestfriends know me too well to not taken any of my words to their hearts. I'm actually a sensitive person and when PMS-ing, I'm a VERY sensitive person. Little silly things can make me mad, or upset. I often  find my self crying over stupid things and sometimes I'm ashamed of it. But again, we can't control our hormones, am I right?

Thank God for chocolate and ice cream. I don't know about the other women but I personally like those things and it really helps me to decrease the pain. Sleep also helps a lot. Whenever I upset or mad, I choose to sleep first before deciding something important. I don't want to regret my choices, no one would want that.

To the guys who still with women who always telling them; "you are so dead" when they're PMS-ing, I salute you. It's not easy to deal with women, period. And it's even harder to deal with women who are PMS-ing or on their periods. You guys are rock. And to women who have those guys, you've got yourself a keeper. Don't lose them or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

Alright. I think I'm done here.

I have to take care of this stomach of mine. And by the way, HAPPY FASTING! I forgot to tell you that before hahaha.

Cheers,

Dina

My own story: Bullying

Okay, how are you guys doing? I'd like to tell you a serious note here. Even until this very day, this topic is still kind of sore to me. A very touchy subject to talk.

Ever heard of bullying?

Well, buat yang nggak tau, biar gue jelasin dikit. Bullying adalah usaha yang dilakuin orang - orang menyedihkan dan kurang kerjaan untuk membuat seseorang 'jatuh', physically and mentally. Entah dari cara mereka memperlakukan orang lain atau cara mereka memanggil seseorang dengan nama yang nggak pantas. 

Why are they doing that? Do they have a purpose or what?

Yes, they actually do. Those bullies who constantly try to make us down maybe feel threaten by us. Mereka mencoba jatuhin kita, itu artinya kita ada jauh di atas mereka. Mereka menyebut kita dengan nama - nama, yang tanpa mereka sadari, membuat kita sakit hati. But you know what? That actually makes me sick. Siapa sih elo sampe bisa ngatain seseorang?

Let's be honest here. In my whole life, people would always call me fat, ugly, worthless, and many more. Iya, gue emang gendut. Tapi kalo emang gue boleh jujur, sebenernya gue gak segendut kebanyakan orang. Umur gue 17 tahun (2 months again until 18), tinggi gue sekitar 168 cm dan berat badan gue 79 kg (many people asked me this in real life but I never give them the answer because I'm so embarrassed). Ada yang mau ngejek dan ngatain gue? Go on, gue nggak akan nyuruh lo berhenti.

Semenjak gue duduk di bangku SD, banyak orang yang suka banget ngegodain gue karena berat badan gue yang melebihi anak kecil seumuran gue sementara tinggi badan gue gak seberapa. People would call me Bolep (kependekan dari Cebol Mendelep = udah pendek, gendut pula). Mereka manggil gue pake sebutan itu setiap waktu. Awalnya sih biasa aja, I was on my 3rd or 4th grade, for God's sake. Waktu gue masuk SMP, orang - orang awalnya baik sama gue. Tapi kemudian ada seorang cowok di kelas gue, Tejo (bukan nama sebenarnya), bilang ke anak - anak kalo gue suka pake kaos kaki panjang hampir selutut (meskipun gue pake jilbab, I prefer wearing long socks than the short ones). Dia juga yang sering tanya ke gue, "Kowe meh sekolah opo dolanan bal?" (Elo mau sekolah apa mainan bola?). Atau komentar, "Kurang dowo kui kaos kakimu" (kurang panjang tuh kaos kaki lo).

Mulai dari situ, penderitaan yang gue alamin nggak pernah berhenti. Kids would tease me everyday about it. I used to come home feeling numb but then when I was in shower, I would cry quietly. Di sekolah, gue masih sering ketawa tapi nggak ada yang tau apa yang gue lakuin setiap kali gue udah pulang ke rumah. Lucunya, meskipun mereka sering ngatain gue, mereka tanpa malu masih aja minta contekan gue setiap kali tes dan ulangan. Dan mereka bakal marah sama gue kalo gue nggak nyontekin mereka. Hasilnya? I had no friends. Seringkali gue beli jajan sendirian atau pergi ke perpustakaan. Dari titik itulah gue mulai suka baca.

Dan kemudian di SMA, it was a hell. Kayaknya tiada hari tanpa denger someone ngatain gue gendut. Hahahaha, lucu ya, padahal mereka minta contekan jawaban ulangan dan tes gue. Ada seorang 'temen' gue waktu kelas 10, Firda (bukan nama sebenarnya), yang waktu itu kebetulan satu kelompok sama gue buat salah satu laporan perjalanan. Dari awal, temen kelompok gue yang lain sebenernya nggak setuju kalo kita sekolompok sama Firda ini. Tapi gue ngeyel. Gue pernah jadi orang yang dikucilin dan gue nggak mau hal kayak gitu terjadi sama orang lain. Waktu gue minta minta dia buat ngerjain salah satu bagian dari laporan, dia nyanggupin tapi waktu hari terakhir pengumpulan tugas, dia malah nggak berangkat dan nggak mau nganterin ke sekolah. I was so piss off, tapi gue mutusin untuk ngebuat yang baru. Hari itu juga, gue ketik dan cetak bagian yang seharusnya bukan bagian gue. Sehari setelah itu, dia datang ke kelas marah - marah. Sampe puncaknya waktu istirahat dia ke bangku gue (yang ada di barisan paling depan) dan marah - marah sama gue. Awalnya dia ngata - ngatain gue egois, lambat laun dia mulai ngatain gue gendut, dan yang paling bikin gue sakit hati adalah waktu dia ngehina keluarga gue. Iya, emang keluarga gue nggak sekaya anak - anak lain but did she really have to say that? In front of my whole classmates? Waktu itu gue cuma diem dan nangis. Nangis karena apa yang dia bilang bener - bener ngebuat gue sakit hati. And then one of my friend, Iffi (bukan nama sebenarnya), slapped her. Setelah itu, beberapa cewek yang emang lumayan deket sama gue mulai ngedatengin bangku gue dan nenangin gue.

Di kelas 11, gue lagi - lagi kena masalah. Iffi yang waktu kelas 10 belain gue, di kelas 11 malah berantem sama gue. Salah gue sih yang udah ribut di blog waktu itu. Dan juga ada Riana (bukan nama sebenarnya), cuma gara - gara kita beda pendapat sekali, dia dan temen - temennya nyindirin gue di twitter. Ngatain gue gentong, gendut, sok tau, dan masih banyak lagi. Gue masih inget jelas, I would go to school earlier than the others and then put on my headphone just so I can't hear what other people say about me. Gue jadi penyendiri, anak - anak yang lain milih buat ikut ngejauhin gue karena takut bakalan kena imbas dari masalah - masalah gue. Marina, Anilda, Pipit, dan Anita lah yang pertama kali ngehampirin gue dan ngebisikin kata - kata penyemangat. Marina would say, "yang sabar ya, Din" setiap kali orang yang ngebully gue lagi keluar kelas. Waktu semester genap, keadaan malah berbalik 180 derajat. Orang yang dulunya ngata - ngatain gue di twitter gantian dikata - katain sama orang lain di twitter. Dan buat keempat orang tadi? Well, we're bestfriends now.

Tahun terakhir gue bener - bener unforgettable. Gue dan Ziah (salah satu murid pinter di kelas) jadi korban cyberbullying. Ada sekelompok orang -atau geng, lebih tepatnya- di kelas kita yang terus saja menyindir kita berdua di sosial media twitter. Bur we didn't take it too seriously. I mean, cyberbullying, really? Terlepas dari itu, orang - orang masih suka manggil gue gendut. They would make fun of my weight, my body, and even my look. Jokes mereka keseringan sama, ngebuat gue jadi sedikit lebih kebal. Tapi suatu waktu, Zana (bukan nama sebenarnya) ngebuat joke yang kalo gue bilang sih udah keterlaluan. Waktu itu gue mau ke tempat les bareng temen gue tapi karena gue nggak bisa naik motor, jadilah gue cuma duduk di kursi penumpang. Zana yang liat langsung bilang sama temen gue, "Ati-ati lho, mengko ndak motormu njempalik. Dina kan bobote ping lima mu" (Hati-hati ntar motor lo kejungkir. Berat badannya Dina kan lima kali beratmu) sambil ketawa bareng temen - temennya. Sakit emang, tapi gue nggak mau biarin dia tau how hurt his words were. Tapi sejak kejadian itu, gue berhenti ngomong ke dia. Di tempat les juga gue nggak mau nyontekin dia.

Waktu mau UN, ada tradisi di sekolah gue buat minta maaf sama guru - guru dan temen - temen satu angkatan. Tiba - tiba aja Zana dateng ke gue dan minta maaf. I was so mad at him, tapi gimana pun juga dia udah minta maaf. And so, I forgive him. Dengan syarat dia nggak bakal ngelakuin kayak gitu lagi ke gue dan orang lain. When the graduation came, I was too happy to finally celebrate it with my bestfriends.

With my current height, setiap kali gue dateng ke Salatiga dan ketemu temen SD gue, mereka bakal tanya kenapa gue bisa setinggi ini. Dan waktu gue ketemu beberapa bullies gue semasa SMP.. kebanyakan dari mereka udah kerja, bahkan beberapa dari mereka udah nikah. Dan gue? Gue masih bisa kuliah dan ngelanjutin cita - cita gue.

This is it, my fellow friends.

Ketika elo ketemu seseorang, don't be too quick to judge. Everyone has their own struggle. Semua orang punya masalah mereka sendiri. Masalah rumit kehidupan yang nggak lo tau. Berhenti ngebully orang karena kondisi fisik atau mental mereka yang berbeda. They are still human whether they're fat, skinny, short, tall, blonde, smart, dumb. You just have to accept how beautiful this world is with them filling it. Nggak akan ada kata 'pintar' tanpa ada kata 'bodoh' untuk dibandingkan.

Stop bullying. Stop being a pathetic person. Hargain orang lain. Treat people exactly the way you wanna be treated. Stop being a douchebag and calling them names. Mulailah menghargai perbedaan yang ada di sekitar lo.

Dan buat kalian di luar sana yang mengalami bullying, STAND UP! Tunjukan pada semua orang menyedihkan yang selalu ngejek lo bahwa elo bisa ngelakuin sesuatu yang mereka pikir nggak akan bisa lo lakuin. STAY STRONG! It will get better eventually. Penderitaan lo akan berhenti. Percaya sama gue, suatu saat elo bakal ngerasain yang namanya bahagia. TELL SOMEONE! Cerita sama seseorang biasanya ngebantu gue buat get better. Perasaan bakalan jadi lebih lega setelah kalian cerita. Don't just bottle it up. Speak up, tell your bestfriends, tell your parents, tell your teachers, tell anyone!

Remember, everyone is beautiful with their own ways. You absolutely have no rights to judge them. Like, who the hell are you? God? Hah.

BULLYING IS PATHETIC.

Cheers,

Dina