Friday Letter (1)

Hello, apa kabar?

Gue baru aja selesai baca novel The Perks of Being a Wallflower yang bener - bener nyentuh banget. I highly suggest you all to read the novel even though you've watched the movie. Dan dari situ gue udah mutusin buat ngebuat Friday Letter. Jadi setiap hari Jum'at, gue bakal nulis surat yang entah buat siapa di blog ini. Hal ini gue lakuin semata - mata karena ini bisa jadi semacam terapi pribadi buat gue supaya nggak terlalu memendam emosi.

Semua surat bakal diawali dengan Dear friend. This is my first time so, idk. Enjoy?

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Dear friend,

My name is Dina. It's sounds 'dee-na' because I live in Indonesia. And I'll tell you one thing about my country; it is nice but it is not too nice. I wrote this letter because I don't know what to do to find some release for all my emotions. I constantly have this breakdowns and I often cry and I just don't know how to deal with them. Maybe writing letters like this could help..

I've built my walls again. It's not like my friends don't want to be there for me because in fact, they do. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have them, to be able to call them my bestfriends. But the problem is I can't share everything with them when I feel like they don't trust me enough.

In my whole life, I've always been someone who stay quiet about what I actually feel. I mean, of course I tried to open up my self, plenty times. But everytime I open it, people would leave me alone. Miserable. And I guess, I don't want to feel that way again.

The truth is I feel like I don't belong anywhere. Like, I'm only belong to my weird world. Complicated, I know. These demons, I don't know, they somewhat own my soul. I want to scream loud but I can't. My scream for help is as quiet as the blood running through my veins. The other won't feel it except I allow them to touch my wrist.

Everytime I feel down like this, there is a big chance I'm gonna hurt my self or even kill my self. I know this may sound crazy to you but it's not. I mean, yeah maybe they will be sad for a month or two but then they will move on. People will forget about me and I'm pretty sure they'll be happier that way. I'm just.. I feel like a burden to anyone.

I hope you have a good day.

Dina