A thin line called hospital

Alright, let me break it down to you.

I hate hospital, period.

It just so not me. I mean, I know I'm depressed sometimes, but hospitals? I hate them with passion. Hospitals are full of worried people with down faces, tears, there also a lot of mourning people. It's noisy, not a good noisy of course, it's kind of annoying sounds. The smell isn't nice, it just like when you go to the pharmacies and you can smell all that medicines- it just not good. It's also rush, like, everything just 'snap! snap! snap!'. We can lose something in the blink of the eyes.

White colour is everywhere. The walls, the coats, the floors, almost everything! Isn't white supposed to be a relaxing colour? Then why do I feel like it's not? It's funny because people believe the doctors can heal anything. For God's sake, they're not God. They're just goddamn doctors! Yes, they do know a lot about health and all that stuff but when God decides something, we just gotta take it.

I used to dream to be a doctor but then I realized, it costs a lot of money. So, I gave up on that dream and choose a new one. Mungkin beberapa orang akan bingung sama judul postingan gue kali ini. Kenapa tiba - tiba gue buat postingan dengan tema yang mungkin nyeleneh dan beda dari yang udah - udah?

One of my friend's dad passed away this morning. Ya, pagi ini. Dan karena rumah kami yang berdekatan, tentu saja kami deket (meski nggak terlalu deket). He was such a good man. I swear to God, what I wrote here is the truth. Yang nggak gue ngerti adalah beliau mengalami sakaratul maut tepat di detik - detik terakhir ulang tahun gue. I mean, it supposed to be a happy day for me but it wasn't, really.

I hate to see people die. Especially people who live around me. And what worse than that is to see their families crying. Last night my family took my friend and her sister to the hospital, they said it was an emergency. Beliau ada di UGD. My parents went to see him but I wasn't allowed to go in there. "Kamu nggak akan kuat," kata bapak. I saw my friend crying, I saw her little sister crying when the adults were talking about his health problem. To be perfectly honest, I wanted to cry too. I wanted to hug them and tell them it's gonna be okay but I couldn't do it.

It was too depressing for me until I decided to stay in the car until we went home.

There is a thin line between dying and death. A very thin line, if I could say. And that line is called hospital. We bring sick people to the hospitals with a hope they'll be cured. We hope the doctors who know a lot about health can help them to be healthy again. But sometimes we forget something; it's God who decides everything. Manusia bisa mencoba semua cara, tapi Tuhan tetap yang menentukan.

My prayer goes to his family. And I really hope my friend's little sister can do her national exams tomorrow.

I know I just turned 18 yesterday but I also learned something important in my first day being an 18-year-old. We never know what's gonna happen to us in the future, maybe we will lose something someone we love but maybe, they will lose us. You know, we don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow- heck, we don't even know what will happen next minute! But we sure have hope.

Movies will probably make most people think like this, "oh, okay. We lost someone and we move on. That's easy thing to do". It's not. Especially when you lost someone who close enough to know all your secret, your dark side..

I always freak out whenever I heard someone who close to me had been rushed into the hospital. Hospital scares me. What if they die in there? What if I didn't have time to say good bye? And any other "what if's" questions keep running on my mind.

I think that's enough for today. I gotta go to bed. It's late and I have classes tomorrow morning.

Dina