Shhh, keep it silent!

Guten Tag!!!

I’m on my way to say more than a ‘hello’ in German. Yessszzzzuuhhh!

How are you guys doing today? I really hope you guys doing okay because I am. Anyway, sorry for not posting any writings before this. I mean, I did try but then the idea was gone and those pending posts are ended up in my draft. So well, sorry, told ya I’m really suck to stick to one idea.

Alright, so uhm, I moved on from that guy (let’s not talk about that). And it was good to finally say good bye after several debate I was having with my self. I feel free, somehow.

Right at this moment, I’m kind of falling for my bestfriend. Holy fudge, this is happening again for God’s sake. But looking back to where we first met until now –it’s not love at the first sight, we actually really close. Sure, our friendship mostly about us insulting each other, threaten each other, and of course laughing together. And it was a lot of laughing, let me tell you. He always treats me differently from the others. Like, he gave me some hints.. I’m not so sure. I don’t want to assume anything that will lead me to hope more. It just.. a lot to take in, I guess.

He is such a funny guy. He doesn’t take anything too serious and just make sure to have fun with his decisions. For someone who’s old enough to make his own decision, he’s sure one of those who prefer to be chill-type of guy. Seriously, I can spend all day just to tell you how unique he really is. But I’ll make my self clear here, I won’t mention any name, so let just say, you guys know him :)

I’ve learned so many things with my previous relationships. One thing that I’m sure; I have to keep it on a down low. That means not many people know about my feeling. Why is that? I don’t know. Some people in my life who constantly showed off their relationships often end up with a goodbye, a break up.

However, this is difficult. I mean, hiding my own feeling in front of a guy I often meet? That’s a bit harder than the last time I was in the same situation .. or maybe it’s a lot harder. I just want to shout, y’know? Tell him how crazy I’d be without him by my side. Tell him that I could be a good girlfriend.

But I can’t. Women can’t just say “hey, I love you, let’s dating?” to men. I don’t want to people look at me and say, “oh hey, look! That’s a girl who just asked a guy out last week. Slut, huh?” right in front of my face. That’d be so embarrassing, don’t you think? Also, let just imagine for a moment that I really tell him about my feeling but he doesn’t feel the same.

Awkward alert.

So, this time, I didn’t tell too many people. That’s first. I also trying my best to act normal infront of him so he won’t suspect anything (even I’m dying to get him notice me).

How about you guys? Have you ever had feeling for your bestfriends? How did you deal with it? Tell them with a risk there’ll be an awkward situation? … or you just keep your mouth shut but you know there’ll be pain in your chest?

Cheers,

Dina