Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Women

Earlier today, I met some amazing women.

Ceritanya, gue lagi antri untuk pijet karena bahu gue sering sakit belakangan ini. Nah, waktu antri ini ternyata lebih dari separuh pasien itu ibu-ibu. Emang dasarnya gue gak terlalu ngerti mereka ngomong apa, gue milih buat diem dan ngedengerin musik di Spotify.

I had no idea that they've been suffering some serious injuries. Ada yang jatuh dari motor, kepleset, sampe nabrak pintu. Gue baru ngeh setelah salah satu ibu itu nidurin anaknya pake satu tangan. Kemudian gue juga gak sengaja liat kaki kanannya yang bengkak parah. Gue aja ngeri sendiri liatnya. Tapi si ibu ini justru bilang "Aduh, Mbak. Ini udah jauh lebih baik kok. Sebelumnya malah item banget, dibuat jalan susahnya minta ampun".

Gue kaget, bingung mau bales apa. Eh tiba-tiba salah ada yang nyeletuk "Kok bisa sampe separah itu sih, Bu?"

Si ibu yang lagi nidurin anaknya itu cuma senyum kecil sebelum ngejawab dengan enteng "Iya, Bu. Waktu saya abis jatuh kan emang sebenernya udah sakit tapi kebetulan desa saya lagi ada acara. Gak sempet diurut. Setelah acara desa selesai, saya langsung sibuk ngurusin anak saya yang bungsu ini. Kaki yang udah sakit tetep saya pake kesana-kemari. Tau-tau udah bengkak dan warnanya item gitu, Bu." 

Dari pernyataan itu, pengakuan-pengakuan lain mulai keluar.

"Suami saya awalnya gak percaya kalo saya sakit. Waktu abis liat hasil roentgen malah trus tanya kenapa saya gak cerita kalo kaki saya sesakit itu. Lah kan lucu ya, Bu. Orang saya kasih tau aja malah saya diketawain eh trus malah bilang gitu." (Ibu ini gak sengaja nabrak pintu, kakinya keseleo parah)

"Saya dulu waktu hamil anak kedua juga gitu, Bu. Kebetulan perut saya gede banget trus gak sengaja kaki saya nabrak kaki meja. Mau bungkuk gak bisa, suami juga bilangnya gak papa, ya udah akhirnya saya biarin. Eh, tau-tau udah bengkak."

I was too speechless to even form a word. Gue yang sebelumnya masih bisa nimbrung sesekali langsung mati kutu setelah denger cerita ibu-ibu ini. They suffer serious injuries yet they do nothing but taking care of their family.

Dasarnya gue sentimental, pikiran gue langsung melayang ke Ibuk gue sendiri. How many times did my mother suffer like them? Hiding her pain just so she can see a smile upon my face? Ya Allah, gue pengen nangis.

Hari ini gue berumur 20. One step closer towards the motherhood.

Apa gue bisa menjadi srikandi kayak ibu-ibu tadi? Apa gue bisa menyembunyikan rasa sakit gue walaupun rasanya udah gak karuan? I don't think I'll be able to do all of that. Not yet, at least.

Gue pernah denger temen gue ngomong gini "Jadi cewek mah gampang. Gak perlu kerja tapi kebutuhan udah tercukupi". Gampang gundulmu.

Jadi seorang cewek atau wanita itu gak gampang. We have to go through a cycle called p-e-r-i-o-d. Emosi gak stabil, perut sakit, badan pegel-pegel, dan juga harus ganti pembalut setiap 4 jam sekali. Belum lagi kalo hamil trus melahirkan. Women risk their lives to give birth. Masih mau bilang gampang?

Postingan ini mulai ngaco.

The point is.. being a woman isn't easy as it looks. Don't underestimate us just because we like to wear make up. Sejatinya, setiap orang di dunia ini lahir dari rahim seorang wanita. So, it would be nice for men to treat us nicely.


What I wrote above were my thoughts of being a new 20 years-old woman. Happy 20th birthday to myself. May God guide me always.



Kisses,
Dee

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Turning Point

My life is crazy at the moment. Classes - work - assignments. It's been going on for four months and I'm so ready to rip my head off. But it's all good. I promise you, it's good.

For those who've been reading this blog for a while, you know how I struggled with insecurities. It was so easy to be overwhelmed by silly things. I also wasn't satisfied with what I had which made me an easy target for bullies.

Looking at it now makes me realise just how much I've changed over the years. That girl who cried over a stupid name-calling has gone. Maybe a little part of her is still here but she's much stronger. I am stronger.

I still cry, of course, but not as often as I used to. Chances are I cry when I'm on my period. I've come a long way to be where I am and you have no idea how happy it makes me feel. People don't scare me anymore. I don't hold on to difficult things or people. Instead, I've learnt to let people go from my life.

It's a big deal for me who worries about what people think of me. They aren't responsible for my happiness, I am. This is why I don't listen to what people say about me anymore. Words are just words until I let them be sharp and stab me.

I think my turning point in life happened last year. Honestly, I learned so much from last year and I couldn't be more grateful for that. Believe it or not, I was so naive and thought that everyone could be a better person if I helped them be. Looking back at it, I kinda want to laugh because of how foolish I was.

I learned that not everyone is meant to stay in our life. They may stop for a while but then they'll leave. This kind of people is like a hurricane which comes so suddenly and destroys everything in its sight.  A hurricane doesn't know the mess left behind, much like those who leave our life after giving us empty promises. The old 'me' would be upset --no , scratch that, I would be devastated even. However, the new 'me' will only be sad for a couple of days before finally having fun with my friends again.


How so? 

I think it can happen because I feel grateful for having so many amazing things to begin with. I have an imperfect family who definitely have my back. I also have best friends who are incredibly amazing. And most importantly, I have myself. I like who I am without pretending to be someone else. This is the biggest achievement I've ever gotten so far in this life.

Your turning point in life maybe not occurred yet but believe when I say this, it will happen. It's just a matter of time. So, don't get too cocky if you feel your life is too good to be true. We don't know what God has planned for us, do we?



Kisses
Dee 


Monday, May 2, 2016

Opposites Attract

She remembers. Just one look at his hazel eyes and she remembers how it all started.

They met in the first term of the first year in university. He knew her. He had a class with her. She always sat in the middle of World Religion class, same seat every Thursday. Her hair was often messily tied up in a ponytail and she came before anyone else. No one talked to her because she always busy with her notebook. They said it was too weird. She was weird.

It was hard not to acknowledge her presence because she raised her hand a lot in class. She was smart, no, she was freaking brilliant. And the professor seemed to like her even though she never socialized with the other students. She refused to work in a group which impacted on her to work by herself.

He had another class with her on the second term. She was no longer sat in the middle of the class. He realised how she always changed her seat but only in the back row. She never put her hair in a ponytail anymore and often wore a grey beanie. He also noticed she kept the same notebook from the previous term.

He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to introduce himself and asked how her day was. But he couldn’t do that. His friends would tease him to death if they found out.

“Are you okay?”

It was foolish to wear a pair of flat shoes when she knew how unpredictable the weather in Manchester was. She should’ve put on her regular boots. But no, her curiosity led her straight into her downfall, literally. Who knew the stairs could be so slippery?

She slipped on her way to the next class, causing more than ten people laughed on her misfortune. None offered a hand for her. The embarrassment that she felt was enough to make her didn’t realise she had twisted her left ankle. She just wanted to go back to the dorm and cry her eyes out.

That was the first time he spoke to her. He was the only one who bothered to help her. She could smell his perfume, Giorgio Armani, the same one as her father’s. He carried her meanwhile she was too gobsmacked to coherent any kind of words. The pain she felt on her ankle made her scream when they reached the infirmary.  A nurse gave her some kind of painkiller that made her sleepy. The only thing she remembered before she went out was his worried face.

“How’s your ankle?”

He was standing by her side when she regained her consciousness. She jerked away when she was aware how close he was to her. The smile on his face was gone as soon as she did that.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to scare you. I’m William Carter. We have a World History class together,” he reached out to shake her hand after his brief introduction.

She knew him. Of course, she did. William Carter was quite well-known in the University of Manchester. He was an average student but an excellent footballer. She heard the girls gossiping how the coach wanted him to be the captain on the next season.

Realising she might not shake his hand, he slowly drew it back. Her emerald eyes looked him up and down, probably judging his attire.

“Why did you help me?” she asked timidly.

He shrugged carelessly. “Because you could use some help,” he paused to sit on the plastic chair beside of the bed. “And I wanted to help you.”

She knew how odd she could be. And if nobody wanted to help her, she could totally understand. It was bound to happen someday anyway. So, it was only fair if she failed to grasp the reason why William was there with her.

“You did help me. Thank you,” she wanted to smile at him. Too bad it was kind of hard to do so when she barely knew him. “But you don’t have to be here when I wake up.”

William stared at her for a few seconds before responding. “I know. But I want to be your friend. And, you see, friends don’t leave each other when they’re in pain.” He grinned innocently.

Friend? She blinked twice. No one wanted to be her friend and she never bothered herself to be friendly anyway. And even though she had a list about her potential friends, his name was never on it. They were polar opposites, there was no way they could be friends.

“Are you gonna introduce yourself, new friend?”

“You already know my name,” she answered simply.

He rolled his eyes. “True, but I want you to introduce yourself to me. That’s what friends do, alright?”

She sighed. What a stubborn little git. “Amelia Matthews.”

He smiled at her, showing off dimple on his left cheek. “What a lovely name.”

He holds her hands tightly. Her eyes are glowing with happiness when she knows what he’s about to do. He is the person she shares her first kiss with. Someone who stands up for her no matter what happens. The man who supports her decisions even though they’re crazy. A special person she’s been dating since her second year in university. She is definitely one lucky lady.

“Do you remember my promise to you in sophomore year?”

It was difficult to stay away from her. He tried but the result was far from what he expected. Sure, she was a great listener but she didn’t talk much. He did most of the talking when they were together. It was kind of frustrating. Although he reckoned it was probably what made her interesting.

He commented on almost everything he saw which annoyed her to the whole new level. But she used to it by now. She realised that his blabber made most of her days. He changed gloomy days into the cheery ones with his silly jokes and sexual puns.

“No, seriously, where do you see yourself in five years from now?” he asked her a day before Christmas break on their second year in university. They were hanging out in her dorm, a new habit ever since he found out she had a lot of good books in possession.  “I really want to know.”

She smiled a little bit which was odd. Amelia wasn’t a cheery kind of person. In fact, she was far from it. But being friends with William had made her smile more often. He also taught her to live in the moment, something she wasn’t used to do. Surprisingly, she didn’t mind it at all. He made her smile and laugh in the most idiotic way possible. Unknowingly to her, she started to develop feelings to him.

“Well, I see myself sitting in a bookstore, signing books for my loyal readers.”
She was glad for his existence. He made everything seemed possible. She hadn’t even known what her dreams were before she met him. The change in her was obvious and they both knew it.

He looked at her with a loving look in his eyes. She never ceased to amaze him in every way possible. Who would’ve thought the quiet girl in class had such a passion in writing?

“That’s wonderful,” he told her truthfully. “But mine is more exciting.”
She raised her eyebrows, a clear proof of her confusion. “Why is that?”

“Well, because I see myself engaged to you five years from now.” He grins playfully. “That’s my promise to you.”

Her cheeks became red almost instantly. “But we are not from the same crowd,” she said in a small voice. “People like you will never end up with people like me.”

“Didn’t you hear?” he prompted. She shook her head, confused with what he meant. “Opposites attract.”

Of course she remembers his promise. In fact, she remembers almost everything in sophomore year. It’s the year where she starts dating William after the stairs incident. She can’t forget about it even if she wants to.

One thing that surprises her is that he does too. He fulfills his promise like he always does. It makes her lose the ability to speak. What has she done to deserve a man as great as William Carter? She is pretty sure she has never done any decent thing that’s worth a perfect man like William as the prize.

He kneels down without letting go of her hands. This is it, he thinks to himself. After dating her for the past five years, he knows that she’s the one. He strongly believes that they are destined to be together. He simply never meets someone as amazing as Amelia Matthews.

“This is me fulfilling my promise to you,” he continues to speak. In his hand is his grandmother’s diamond ring. “You are by far the most wonderful human being I’ve ever met. The world is cruel but you never let it change you. I love everything about you,” he pauses for a few seconds to catch his breath. “And for the love of God, even though you drive me crazy in daily basis I really don’t want it any other way. I live for those stupid arguments over fictional characters from books that probably will be the death of me someday in the future,” She laughs at his confession. Gosh, she’s so in love with him. “I’m so infatuated with you but of course, you know that. What you don’t know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to see your face the first thing in the morning. I want to kiss the life out of you before we go to bed every night. So, Amelia Matthews, will you let me marry you?”

People cheer around them. They whistle and yell “say yes” way too loudly. She is too speechless to even form any kind of response to him. William has never been good with words but somehow he made the most beautiful speech she’s ever heard.

She doesn’t even remember when the tears start to fall down. “Yes,” she croaks out. He doesn’t seem to hear it though, maybe because of the noises around them. “Yes, William. I will let you to marry me.”


Her fiancé stands up in no time after hearing that. He scoops her up, thanking God for sending the most beautiful angel to the earth.




Author's note: I submitted this as my mid-term exam. Sorry if it was too short. I promise I will write a longer one.

Kisses,
Dee