#LoveWins: A piece of respect

Hello loves!

Today I'd like to write about a very sensitive topic, not only in Indonesia, but in the whole world as well. I know that not everyone agrees with Supreme Court's decision earlier this month about gay marriage. And well, I just found it really interesting to write my very own opinions about this.

And I think I'd get some comments after I put this up. Since, you know, this is still a controversial thing. But really, I will not suggest homophobic people to read this. I suggest to leave the page immediately because as a matter of fact, I don't want you homophobic people write or talk nasty stuff after you read this. So, please, get the hell out of my blog.

Although it's absolutely okay for you who curious or even want to say your opinion towards this topic in the comment box below. OPINIONS, folks.

#LoveWins

"Being gay is a sin."

"You're disgusting."

"You shouldn't support LGBT community."

Those are only a few comments I've read online, whether it just a status on facebook, a tweet, or even a comment that sent by someone for me.

And before you think anything, just remember that I'm straight. This post is written because I want to talk/write about my opinions. 

Why?

Because I believe I have the right to do so. Everyone can say what they want as long as it doesn't offend anyone (even though people tend to offend someone with what their opinions nowadays). So, I will try to write what I have in mind without hurting anyone's feeling.

FYI, I do not fully support gay marriage. But I, in fact, admire the bravery of the LGBT community. You see, coming out of the closet (for you who don't know, it's a phrase about telling the world that you're gay) isn't easy as it seems. There are literally tons of hate you'll get once you came out.

I love Youtube. And one thing that I love, is that how powerful Youtube in teenagers life. Some of the youtubers decided to come out online. Tyler Oakley, Troye Sivan, Connor Franta, Ingrid Nilsen, and many others. Oh, Ellen DeGeneres and Cara Delevingne are both gays (if you don't know who they are, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? For serious tho, both women are very successful entertainers). If you happen to be curious, I would recommend their coming out videos. They were simply made because these people wanted the world to know that they're gay. But it doesn't make them any less creative or inspiring. Their videos/experience have made some people be more brave. I've read bunch of comments and posts about how people came out after watching those videos.

Some of you may think it's wrong to love someone with the same gender as you. Well, I think screw it. We always talk about equality. Especially equality between men and women. 

Confused? Okay, let me explain.

We all know society treats men like they have higher power than any women could have. For example, only men could be taxi or bus drivers, or footballers. Meanwhile women should stay at home, taking care of the kids. Not all women were pleased about this. So, they fought so hard for justice, for equality. And we can see the result at the present time. Women drive buses and taxis, we even see women play football.

Most of people want to be married at some point in their lives. You know, it would be very nice to have someone waiting on the couch when you had a rough day at work. The gays want that as well. They want someone to grow old with. Someone who will love them unconditionally.

I don't try to make you support gay marriage when I still can't fully support it. I only want you to respect the LGBT community. That's all I ask from you.

If we could tolerate how bad society treated women, why can't we tolerate them?

They don't cause any trouble for you, do they? So, please people. It's okay if you don't accept them, they don't need your acceptance to be who they are anyway. But please do not hate them for who they are, do not try to change or 'cure' them (they may be offended by that, if you don't notice).

Those people are still humans. They have feelings, they have insecurities, and they have rights to be alive. The very same rights as you. Please, I beg of you. Stop hating on them. And please stop wishing them to be dead. It sickens me to no end that people wish them to die.

Did any of that make any sense to you? Because if not, I'd just try to even shorten it to one sentence.

#LoveWins is about equality and giving a little respect to the LGBT community

So yeah, I think that's all I've got now. Maybe I will add some things in the future, I don't know. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy reading this post.

Later, loves.

Dina

Fear

I’ve been gone for a quite some time, haven’t I?

There are literally so many things going on in my life and I just don’t know what to do anymore. If I’m being honest, I’m tired. This is all so overwhelming for me. All I want to do is curling up in a ball and crying my eyes out.

But this is life.

It sucks at the moment but it will get better.

I love my life in general but right now I just hate it so much. Things are going out of control, my headache is getting worse by each passing day but I still have a shitload of works to do.

People might say crying is a sign of weakness. I completely disagree. From what I’ve known, most people crying because they have been so strong for so long and it just a matter of time until they break.

In my entire life, I always fear failure.

My father always telling me to be the best from the best. If I can’t then I basically fail to fulfill my duty as his child, to please him. Thus I have to study and work even harder than before.

And right now, I’m scared.

What if I fail to pass a certain subject in college? What if I get a C on my report card? How is he gonna take it? Am I gonna be a disgrace to my family?

I should be doing my final paper but instead I’m writing on this stupid blog because I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried to talk to my bestfriend but it was useless. I’m still having a lot of ‘what if’ questions swarming through my head.

My eyes are burning from my lack of sleep and I haven’t got time to do any exercise. I wish it would be over sooner. I wish the situation could be less hectic. I wish I could be strong for a little bit longer.

I’m sorry for being a mess.

Mummy, I miss you and your soothing words.

I don’t like Semarang. It’s crowded, full with inconsiderate and selfish pricks who are willing to do anything to be on the top. It’s also hot as fuck.

I want to go home.

Dina

Being a fangirl

Not everyone is aware of the effects of my fangirling life. What they know is that I'll be someone different whenever I start fangirling. And truth be told, that is true. But most people only know that I'm a hyperactive person in my fangirling life, which is annoying according to them. I will not deny that too.

There are also so many positive sides from it. In here I will explain to you about the positive sides of being a fangirl.

1. You will learn new languages

Okay, everyone knows I'm a Directioner and Simpsonizer. They came from Britain, Ireland, and Australia. Meanwhile I live in Indonesia. I hated English when I was in middle school. But at the 9th grade, I started to like western musicians. From that moment on, I promised myself to study English a little bit more often so I can understand what they are saying. This case also goes for K-Pop fans. They learn Korean so they'll understand what their idols saying.

2. You will get new friends from across the world

This is important. As for me, I know some people through Twitter. I have 3 good friends who live in different cities in Indonesia and couple of friends from England and America. If you're lucky, they might help you to do things (send direct messages to your idols for example). You also get to practice your English (or any other languages you've learned) with them as well. There will be time when you feel like "Oh, I'm so glad I joined this fandom" because you find your soulmates from across the world, the ones who share the same passion as you.

3. Somehow, your idols help you

I'm so proud to say I'm almost a year clean. You have no idea how crazy my life can get. Back to my high school years.. I was so depressed yet I couldn't tell anyone about it. I kept bottling my emotions. My life as a fangirl had helped me so much in the past few years. Everytime I felt like I was about to break, I would log on to my Twitter account and doing some rant. People there were so supportive.

I also always listening to music whenever I feel like I have nobody. Because music can understand me. I don't know about any of you, but for me, being a Directioner is a big deal. Like, they always supportive and tell us how beautiful and how much we meant for them. They've helped me so much on my way to be sober. I don't give a shit if you say I'm lying because this is the absolute truth.

4. You will be much happier

I can assure you this one. As far as I know, people will be much happier after they joined a fandom. I assume this is because once you join a fandom, that means you join a family. You get sisters also brothers. Maybe not all of them will be nice to you but believe me, there are so many great people who will accept you as their 'sibling'.

5. There is such thing as 'alone'

You will have so many friends sticking up for you, cheer you up when you feel lonely. When your real life gets so much harder, your fangirling friends will make you forget all of your problems and just be happy although it just for a few minutes.

I'm so happy with my fangirling life. Of course it's not always filled with laughter, there are times when I feel like I'm so done and feel like giving up (ex: when Zayn left One Direction, when Cody got too 'cozy' with Kylie Jenner, when Tyler Hoechlin decided to not be a regular cast on Teen Wolf, when Cory Monteith died). But in the end of the day, I know that I'm not alone. There are so many people who feel the very same feeling with me. And then together, we will be happy again.

Being a fangirl is not bad as long as you're not too wrapped up in your fangirling life. You still have real life and real people to deal with.

Cheers,

Dina

Life = Moccachino

I haven’t written anything for a while and I’ve realized that is the shitty thing to do because I always love writing. Especially writing about my random thoughts. It just easier to write everything down than bottle it up.

And today’s topic is coffee.

I never really liked coffee. Back when I was in school, coffee was my biggest enemy. It caused insomnia (due to the caffeine). But then, I love coffee. Maybe not the black ones because eww! Gross. I just don’t like them, okay? Don’t judge me. I prefer moccachino all the waaaaaay.

To make a glass of moccachino, I usually add 2 tsp of coffee to 3/4 glass of water. I also add one and half teaspoon of sugar. Boil them together (so the coffee won’t hurt your stomach because it will be cooked after its done) for about 3 minutes. Pour them into your glass then add chocolate milk into it (or chocolate powder, depends on your taste). Stir your coffee for a bit and let it cool down a little bit by adding a normal-heat water.

But even though we added sugar and chocolate into this drink, it doesn’t make the bitter taste go away. You can still taste the bitter of the coffee, just not as much as black coffee.

To think of it, drinking my favorite coffee is like living your life. Moccachino tastes sweet, even sweeter than black coffee because we add chocolate into it. But we can’t get rid of the bitter taste because it still coffee, you know?

Just like your life.

You are allowed to be happy and living your life to the fullest. But you can’t just get rid of sadness. There will be time when you get upset over something silly or crying over some stupid reasons. That is the essential of life. You gotta deal with it.

Cheers,

Dina

Update.. Update..

Okay, first off, I'd like to apologize in advance of being MIA for more than a month. I just wanted to have some peace in my short period of holiday. See my location? Yes, I'm not Semarang. And the signal here is kinda sucks, so yeah.. you should know why I'm lazy to write. Another thing is that my laptop is currently not in a good condition so I have to leave it behind (meaning I can't bring my precious gadget). But well, at least I'm writing now *smiling-innocently*

So, a lot of people been asking me about my relationship. Fyi, I already broke up with him. The reasons are maybe too private to talk about in my blog, so if you seriously that curious, ask me personally (face-to-face). Even though I don't really like the idea of explaining my relationship to people, I'll try my best.

I'm so excited to continue my own novelet! Well, I was planning on making it as a short story but then I thought, “I've made many short stories, why don't I try to write something new?” and yep, I decided to do it. Yeah well, I'm trying to write it as soon as I get my laptop back and hopefully I will get it done by the end of March *crossing-fingers* so I can upload it here.

Oh my, I can't write much right now. But in the meanwhile, I'll try to make another short story. Maybe one or two. Let's see how it will go from here.

I gotta go now.

Cheers,

Dina

Different worlds

"We live in the same earth but we have our different worlds."

That's what happens when you're in a relationship. Kita memang hidup di bumi yang sama dengan pasangan kita, kita bernaung di bawah langit yang sama, namun kita memiliki dunia kita masing - masing. Dunia yang seharusnya dikenalkan kepada pasangan kita masing - masing tanpa harus mereka meminta.

 Based on Spice Girls' song, if we want to be with someone at least we know their friends as well.

Tapi sepertinya aturan ini sudah kadaluarsa bagi laki - laki jaman sekarang. Sebagian besar laki - laki yang dekat denganku (saudara, teman, sahabat) lebih banyak menyimpan dunia mereka sendiri. Mereka tidak mau berbagi dengan pasangan mereka. I mean, I just really don't get it when men do that.

Rata - rata wanita akan memperkenalkan pasangannya pada teman - teman dekatnya. We want to show them that we can be happy too. Bukan untuk pamer (mungkin ada juga yang memang sengaja pamer, but that's a different story). Wanita memang sensitif, itu sudah sifat alaminya. Namun aku pikir, mungkin itulah yang membuat kami terlihat lemah di mata lelaki. Sometimes I wish I were a man instead of a confused-woman.

Jika memang kita akan menjalani sebuah hubungan, itu artinya kita juga harus siap membawa seseorang baru ke dalam dunia kita. Suatu hubungan tidak akan pernah berhasil apabila kita hanya berkutat di dalam dunia kita sendiri tanpa mencoba menyelami dunia pasangan kita. Tidak mudah memang, dan akan terasa aneh pada awalnya. Namun seiring berjalannya waktu, rasa aneh itu akan menjadi terbiasa.

Kami para wanita pada sebenarnya tidak banyak menuntut. Aku sendiri hanya menginginkan kejujuran. Meski beberapa kebenaran terdengar menyakitkan, tetapi tetap saja akan terasa lebih baik apabila kita mengetahui hal - hal tersebut dari pasangan kita sendiri daripada harus mendengarnya dari orang lain.

I think I'm starting to write nonsense here. Excuse me, I'm so sleepy over here but I just really need to get this post done.

Kita tidak perlu berpikir terlalu jauh. Selama ada rasa saling percaya di antara kita dan pasangan, aku rasa love will find its way. Dear women, jagalah perasaan nyaman dan aman ketika pasangan ada di dekat kita karena perasaan itulah yang membuat kita masih bersama dengan mereka. Dear men, jangan berbohong.

Wanita pasti akan mengatakan bahwa kami telah memaafkan namun sebenarnya kami masih merasa kecewa. Kecewa karena kalian telah merusakkan rasa kepercayaan kami.

What I'm saying is that, tidak peduli seberapa kacaunya hidup kita, kita tetap berkewajiban untuk menceritakannya pada pasangan kita. They have the right to be involved in our life. Kita telah memilih mereka, berarti kita juga harus memperbolehkan mereka masuk ke dalam dunia kita. Jika memang ia orang yang tepat, maka tidak peduli seberapa parah dunia kita, ia akan tetap tinggal. Dan jika kita sampai menyia - nyiakan seseorang seperti itu, well, I guess we really suck at love departement.

From my mind to these keyboards to your eyes.

Dina

To you, from I

Hey, I would love to say these things directly to you, but you are too busy. And I’ve lost count how many time you told me that my calls were just bothering you. I’ve come to realize, maybe.. you never love me.

I thought you would miss me after those 2 weeks, but you don’t, do you? You don’t miss me at all. Isn’t it tragic that I miss you all the time we were apart? That’s crazy. I mean, when I was busy with all those homeworks or when I was alone in my room at 2 in the morning, you were always coming into my mind. And I thought you would’ve missed me too. Apparently, I was so wrong.

I should’ve known from the start.

You never said those words. The ‘L’ word. You never said it. Instead, you just kissed me and told me to not talk about it. How could I do that? You were my first kiss, you will forever be it. I can’t just forget it. It was special to me, so were you. And again, I thought I was special for you too.

On the fifth day.. you made me cry. You like to disappear without explanation. At first, it was okay. And again, I thought I would get used to it. But I can’t. You are just too complicated. I failed to understand who you really are. I don’t expect you to understand me.. even part of me wished to, I really don’t expect you to come to me and be like “I know you’re not okay. Here, let me hug you”. That’s not you.

You’ve been gone for a week. And when I called you, why do I have to ask “am I bothering you?” to you? Isn’t that unnecessary? I mean, I basically your girlfriend (or am I not?). I’m tired, honest. I’m tired of asking that, tired of hearing “yeah, you kinda bothering me” from your mouth.

What do you really want from me? Do you just want someone to kiss without having a feeling? If you do, then I highly suggest you to leave me immediately. Because I can’t do that. I can’t be your friend with benefits. Either you like me or we just be friends, for good. I don’t like being dictate by someone. I’m done with that and right now, I want to decide my own life.

I’m sorry, I don’t think ‘us’ can go through this.

You have your own world, the one which you’re not ready to introduce me into. And I have mine, the one that I’m so comfortable with. And even though I wanted to introduce you to my world, it seems like you’re not willing to go deeper than you already are.

I love you, that’s a fact. So, that’s why I don’t want you to suffer in our relationship. I’m letting you go. It will be hard, I know, but at least I will still be alive. I will survive the heartbreak, I’ve done that so many times before and I know that I will always survive. I wish you tons of luck too. You are too precious to spend your life just smoking and drinking. And anyway, you still can tell me your stories.. and jokes. I’d like to hear them once again.

Semarang, November 2nd, 2014

Dina