Be my Augustus Waters

What's up, my bitches?

... okay that was totally fail. Forgive me. I won't do that, ever again. Pinky promise!

Jadi, akan ngebahas apa postingan gue kali ini? Setelah gue liat - liat lagi kayaknya beberapa post sebelum ini kayaknya serius semua, bikin orang depresi -_- so, I have decided to pick another topic. 

Mungkin buat elo yang nggak suka baca novel, judul postingan gue ini bakal terasa asing bin aneh. Tapi buat elo yang penggila novel, who the hell doesn't know him? Am I right? Haha. Oke, kembali lagi ke topik awal. Kenapa gue pilih judul di atas? Karena Augustus Waters adalah tokoh fiksi kesukaan gue (baru - baru ini sih but.. who cares?) dari novel The Fault In Our Stars (TFIOS) karangan si jenius John Green.

Let me tell you few things about him (and of course, a bit spoiler).

Augustus Waters itu main character dari TFIOS alongside Hazel Lancaster (yang sering dipanggil Hazel Grace). Gus (panggilan Augustus) ini sebenernya punya sakit kanker parah tapi nggak mau ngakuin. Dia kenalan sama Hazel di support group. As the story went on, mereka jadian. Sayangnya, Gus nggak mau bilang ke Hazel kalo dia sekarat (Hazel juga sakit, dia harus bawa tabung oksigen setiap mau pergi). Dia nggak mau Hazel ngerasa berbeda. Gus akan selalu mengatakan kalo dia baik - baik aja.

"I'm in love with you. and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion  is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."

Hazel punya sebuah keinginan buat ketemu penulis An Imperial Affliction, Peter Van Houten, yang tinggal di Belanda. Dan berkat wish dari Gus, mereka berdua (ditemenin ibunya Hazel) bisa ke Belanda dan ketemu langsung sama Peter (which actually a douche at first). Gus merelakan hampir semua miliknya buat Hazel, waktunya, cintanya, anything. Dia mencintai Hazel tulus, nggak peduli walau pun mereka berdua sama - sama sakit.

"Oh, I wouldn't mind, Hazel Grace. I would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."

Sebelum meninggal, Gus minta Hazel dan Isaac (sahabat Gus) buat ketemu di gereja tempat mereka biasa berkumpul untuk suppot group. Yang nggak gue sangka adalah ternyata Gus meminta mereka buat ngebacain eulogy buat dia kalo suatu hari dia meninggal. Meskipun dia tau umurnya udah nggak lama, Gus tetep berusaha ngebuat Hazel tersenyum.

"I'll fight it. I'll fight for you. Don't you worry about me, Hazel Grace. I'm okay.. I'll find a way to hang around and annoy you for a long time."

Augustus emang meninggal di akhir cerita. Dan Hazel harus rela ngelepas cowok yang udah ngebuat hari - harinya lebih berwarna. Tapi gue tetep salut sama mereka. Kalo kata Koh @aMrazing sih, unconditional love. Ini menurut gue loh yaaa, beda orang kan beda opini :)

Their love is just so beautiful and I just can't find the right words to describe it. Sumpah, John Green sempet bikin gue nangis waktu Gus nyatain cintanya ke Hazel. Cantik, sempurna, indah. Gus nggak mentingin egonya sendiri, itu yang bener - bener gue kagumin dari dia.

"What else? She is so beautiful. You don't get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: you know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I am so lucky to have her, Van Houten. You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers."

 Jadi yah, sekarang elo tau kenapa gue milih Be my Augustus Waters buat jadi postingan gue kali ini. Mungkin kita sering denger kalimat super cheesy, "Be my Romeo" tapi setelah baca novel TFIOS, gue lebih suka seseorang buat jadi Gus daripada Romeo. Gus itu cowok baik - baik yang sayang dan cinta sama Hazel apa adanya, nggak neko - neko.

Do you fave any favorite fictional characters? Who is it?

Cheers,

Dina

Open up

"I'm losing myself
Trying to compete
With everyone else
Instead of just being me
Don't know where to turn
I've been stuck in this routine
I need to change my ways
Instead of always being weak"

Did you ever heard "meltdown"?

According to Urban Dictionary, the word meltdown describes what happens when a person freaks out, cracks, loses control of themselves. Life - reality at large- becomes overwhelming. They just can't deal with it all. The person may act out, withdraw, become emotional, run, etc... 

As for me, I'd like to call meltdown as the lowest point at someone's life. Everyone has their lowest point which some of it turned into their turning point in their life. Whether they turned into someone better or worse.. that's their choice. I constantly having these meltdowns. I don't know why though, I just do. Like, when I'm alone in the room and having flashback from that time when people kept saying bad things about me. 

"I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful..today
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways
So you see, I just wanna believe in me"

Maybe some of you will think, "why thinking about your past?" and honestly, I can't answer that. It just like nightmare, you know? No matter what I do to forget my past, those dark days, I just can't. They keep coming back, haunting me. And to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to stop it. I want them to stop, I want to stop having those meltdowns.

No matter what I felt, I used to say "I'm okay, fine. Don't worry about me". Even though I know I was not okay at all. I felt bad for lying to my bestfriends, of course, but it didn't change the fact that they have bigger problems. Like, they tell me their stories, sometimes asking me for advice, am I really gonna bother them with telling them about how insecure I am? I'm sorry but that sounds ridiculous.. even to an outcast like me. And also, I was so scared. How did I suppose to know that they won't judge me after I told them?

"The mirror can lie
Doesn't show you what's inside
And it, it can tell you you're full of life
It's amazing what you can hide
Just by putting on a smile"

Unfortunately, I still have to tell them. I mean, after they witnessed my meltdown stage yesterday.. I think they deserve at least some kind of explanation. And I did. I told them everything. Meltdown, these voices in my head telling me how worthless I am, how people calling me names, and self-harm. Yes, it is still a sore topic to talk about. I can't help but cry everytime they ask me what's wrong.

Their love for me is just makes me overwhelmed. There are so much love from them. They won't judge me because I'm fat, awkward, loud, annoying, nerd, etc (sometimes people will make fun of my weight but that's okay. As long as I'm happy and healthy, why should I care?). I feel so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by amazing people. After all this time, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere but my world. But now I finally feel like I do belong here.

"I'm quickly finding out
I'm not about to break down
Not today
I guess I always knew
That I had all the strength to make it through"

I'm trying, fellas. I try to open up my self to my bestfriends. Telling them about my feeling is just a start. Hopefully, I'll be able to give them more. It's not that easy, let me tell you. I used to hide my feelings, turned them into words (on the internet or write them down on papers), and instead of telling people who actually really care about me, I chose to cut my wrist.

So, what I'm trying to say is if you get bullied in your past or even now, just believe that it does get better. Things will work out eventually. Maybe tomorrow, next day, next week, or even three or five years later, who knows? What you gotta do is stay strong. It is okay to have meltdown stage, everyone has it anyway. It's normal to be insecure but don't be too insecure. You are beautifully made and you are you. God makes no mistake, remember that. 

"Not gonna be afraid
I'm going to wake up feeling beautiful..today
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways
So you see, now, now I believe in me
Now I believe in me"


Love yourself.


Cheers,

Dina

Drowning

Did you ever feel like drowning? Like, you felt you were sinkin’ in?

I mean, that time when you realize that you’re no longer the same person you used to be and you were like, “okay, this is the new me”. Have you ever felt that way?

Because I have.

Gue itu tipe orang yang terlalu gampang maafin orang. Terlalu gampang ‘luluh’ sama permintaan maaf mereka. Kenapa? I really don’t know. Mungkin karena menurut gue memaafkan itu lebih gampang daripada terus marah *shrugs*. Tapi gara – gara sifat gue itu juga gue jadi sering dimanfaatin. People would offend me and then apologize to me just because they know I’ll forgive them. Emang nggak selalu langsung gue maafin, kadang gue diemin mereka beberapa hari dulu baru gue bisa maafin.

What I was thinking since this afternoon is that how people can stay mad at someone?

Like, seriously. How do they do that? Gue udah berkali – kali nyoba buat tetep marah tapi ujung – ujungnya selalu sama, gue maafin mereka. It just so frustrating sometime, you know? I really want to stay mad at people but I just simply can’t and I have no idea why. How do you guys mad at someone forever? I’m still processing all these kind of things.

Dan juga, did you ever realize how many flaws you have nside of your body (and mind)?

I’m imperfect. I’m not a perfect daughter that my family always wants me to be. Like, I’m fat and I have dark skin and ugly. So many flaws that I have ever since I was born and I just feel like my flaws has been increasing as I grow up. Sometimes I just lay on my bed, hugging my doll and think randomly. Sure, my life is not perfect, just like my self, but then I believe there’s no such thing as perfect.

Yang lucu adalah ketika lingkungan kita memaksa kita untuk jadi sempurna. Mereka bilang lo terlalu gendut, terlalu kurus, bodoh, pendek, tinggi, even they say you’re an idiot. Dan gue yakin banget inilah kenapa semakin banyak kasus bullying di dunia ini. Society will never get enough of you. Komunitas kita selalu mengingatkan kita buat jadi diri kita sendiri, but the question is; why do they tell us to be ourselves if they just gonna judge us afterwards? Gila. Gue nggak akan pernah paham sama cara berpikir masyarakat yang sukanya menghakimi orang seenak udel mereka.

I’m drowning.

I don’t even know why. Gue seakan tenggelam dalam pikiran – pikiran gue sendiri. Tenggelam tanpa ada orang yang sadar kalo gue hilang. Then I ask my self; is this what depression feels like? Many people ask, “are you okay?” as if it were an easy question to answer. Tapi gue selalu bilang kalo gue baik – baik aja. Mereka nggak perlu khawatir tentang gue. Who am I anyway? Gue cuma seorang cewek annoying dan awkward yang nggak bisa diem.

They said they care about me.

Tapi nggak ada yang sadar kalo gue tenggelam. No one really knows ‘me’. Of course I’m smiling almost  all the time, that’s what people expected me to do. They know me as a cheerful person, someone who they can laugh at. Seseorang yang selalu bisa mereka olok – olok (dan selalu gue maafin). Nggak ada yang tau how hard to see everyone breathes and just feel my self drowning.

Gue masih belajar buat nerima diri gue yang sebenernya. Dina yang terlalu-gampang-maafin-orang, yang mungkin terlalu bodoh buat ngerti cara kerja society, yang sering kelihatan sok tangguh padahal aslinya cengeng abis. It’s not easy, apalagi ditambah orang – orang di sekitar gue tentang betapa banyak kekurangan yang ada di diri gue.

I self-harmed my self back when I was in high school. And it went on and on everytime things got too much for my liking. Things that overwhelmed me. I would grab a razor and went to the bathroom after I made sure people went to bed. I cut instead of telling my bestfriends or my family. It just felt easier for me. Although it’s almost a year since I clean, sometimes I just really want to do that, you know? It makes me feel better and calm me down when no one else can.

I’m sorry, I probably boring you with my writing.

Cheers,

Dina

My own story: Bullying

Okay, how are you guys doing? I'd like to tell you a serious note here. Even until this very day, this topic is still kind of sore to me. A very touchy subject to talk.

Ever heard of bullying?

Well, buat yang nggak tau, biar gue jelasin dikit. Bullying adalah usaha yang dilakuin orang - orang menyedihkan dan kurang kerjaan untuk membuat seseorang 'jatuh', physically and mentally. Entah dari cara mereka memperlakukan orang lain atau cara mereka memanggil seseorang dengan nama yang nggak pantas. 

Why are they doing that? Do they have a purpose or what?

Yes, they actually do. Those bullies who constantly try to make us down maybe feel threaten by us. Mereka mencoba jatuhin kita, itu artinya kita ada jauh di atas mereka. Mereka menyebut kita dengan nama - nama, yang tanpa mereka sadari, membuat kita sakit hati. But you know what? That actually makes me sick. Siapa sih elo sampe bisa ngatain seseorang?

Let's be honest here. In my whole life, people would always call me fat, ugly, worthless, and many more. Iya, gue emang gendut. Tapi kalo emang gue boleh jujur, sebenernya gue gak segendut kebanyakan orang. Umur gue 17 tahun (2 months again until 18), tinggi gue sekitar 168 cm dan berat badan gue 79 kg (many people asked me this in real life but I never give them the answer because I'm so embarrassed). Ada yang mau ngejek dan ngatain gue? Go on, gue nggak akan nyuruh lo berhenti.

Semenjak gue duduk di bangku SD, banyak orang yang suka banget ngegodain gue karena berat badan gue yang melebihi anak kecil seumuran gue sementara tinggi badan gue gak seberapa. People would call me Bolep (kependekan dari Cebol Mendelep = udah pendek, gendut pula). Mereka manggil gue pake sebutan itu setiap waktu. Awalnya sih biasa aja, I was on my 3rd or 4th grade, for God's sake. Waktu gue masuk SMP, orang - orang awalnya baik sama gue. Tapi kemudian ada seorang cowok di kelas gue, Tejo (bukan nama sebenarnya), bilang ke anak - anak kalo gue suka pake kaos kaki panjang hampir selutut (meskipun gue pake jilbab, I prefer wearing long socks than the short ones). Dia juga yang sering tanya ke gue, "Kowe meh sekolah opo dolanan bal?" (Elo mau sekolah apa mainan bola?). Atau komentar, "Kurang dowo kui kaos kakimu" (kurang panjang tuh kaos kaki lo).

Mulai dari situ, penderitaan yang gue alamin nggak pernah berhenti. Kids would tease me everyday about it. I used to come home feeling numb but then when I was in shower, I would cry quietly. Di sekolah, gue masih sering ketawa tapi nggak ada yang tau apa yang gue lakuin setiap kali gue udah pulang ke rumah. Lucunya, meskipun mereka sering ngatain gue, mereka tanpa malu masih aja minta contekan gue setiap kali tes dan ulangan. Dan mereka bakal marah sama gue kalo gue nggak nyontekin mereka. Hasilnya? I had no friends. Seringkali gue beli jajan sendirian atau pergi ke perpustakaan. Dari titik itulah gue mulai suka baca.

Dan kemudian di SMA, it was a hell. Kayaknya tiada hari tanpa denger someone ngatain gue gendut. Hahahaha, lucu ya, padahal mereka minta contekan jawaban ulangan dan tes gue. Ada seorang 'temen' gue waktu kelas 10, Firda (bukan nama sebenarnya), yang waktu itu kebetulan satu kelompok sama gue buat salah satu laporan perjalanan. Dari awal, temen kelompok gue yang lain sebenernya nggak setuju kalo kita sekolompok sama Firda ini. Tapi gue ngeyel. Gue pernah jadi orang yang dikucilin dan gue nggak mau hal kayak gitu terjadi sama orang lain. Waktu gue minta minta dia buat ngerjain salah satu bagian dari laporan, dia nyanggupin tapi waktu hari terakhir pengumpulan tugas, dia malah nggak berangkat dan nggak mau nganterin ke sekolah. I was so piss off, tapi gue mutusin untuk ngebuat yang baru. Hari itu juga, gue ketik dan cetak bagian yang seharusnya bukan bagian gue. Sehari setelah itu, dia datang ke kelas marah - marah. Sampe puncaknya waktu istirahat dia ke bangku gue (yang ada di barisan paling depan) dan marah - marah sama gue. Awalnya dia ngata - ngatain gue egois, lambat laun dia mulai ngatain gue gendut, dan yang paling bikin gue sakit hati adalah waktu dia ngehina keluarga gue. Iya, emang keluarga gue nggak sekaya anak - anak lain but did she really have to say that? In front of my whole classmates? Waktu itu gue cuma diem dan nangis. Nangis karena apa yang dia bilang bener - bener ngebuat gue sakit hati. And then one of my friend, Iffi (bukan nama sebenarnya), slapped her. Setelah itu, beberapa cewek yang emang lumayan deket sama gue mulai ngedatengin bangku gue dan nenangin gue.

Di kelas 11, gue lagi - lagi kena masalah. Iffi yang waktu kelas 10 belain gue, di kelas 11 malah berantem sama gue. Salah gue sih yang udah ribut di blog waktu itu. Dan juga ada Riana (bukan nama sebenarnya), cuma gara - gara kita beda pendapat sekali, dia dan temen - temennya nyindirin gue di twitter. Ngatain gue gentong, gendut, sok tau, dan masih banyak lagi. Gue masih inget jelas, I would go to school earlier than the others and then put on my headphone just so I can't hear what other people say about me. Gue jadi penyendiri, anak - anak yang lain milih buat ikut ngejauhin gue karena takut bakalan kena imbas dari masalah - masalah gue. Marina, Anilda, Pipit, dan Anita lah yang pertama kali ngehampirin gue dan ngebisikin kata - kata penyemangat. Marina would say, "yang sabar ya, Din" setiap kali orang yang ngebully gue lagi keluar kelas. Waktu semester genap, keadaan malah berbalik 180 derajat. Orang yang dulunya ngata - ngatain gue di twitter gantian dikata - katain sama orang lain di twitter. Dan buat keempat orang tadi? Well, we're bestfriends now.

Tahun terakhir gue bener - bener unforgettable. Gue dan Ziah (salah satu murid pinter di kelas) jadi korban cyberbullying. Ada sekelompok orang -atau geng, lebih tepatnya- di kelas kita yang terus saja menyindir kita berdua di sosial media twitter. Bur we didn't take it too seriously. I mean, cyberbullying, really? Terlepas dari itu, orang - orang masih suka manggil gue gendut. They would make fun of my weight, my body, and even my look. Jokes mereka keseringan sama, ngebuat gue jadi sedikit lebih kebal. Tapi suatu waktu, Zana (bukan nama sebenarnya) ngebuat joke yang kalo gue bilang sih udah keterlaluan. Waktu itu gue mau ke tempat les bareng temen gue tapi karena gue nggak bisa naik motor, jadilah gue cuma duduk di kursi penumpang. Zana yang liat langsung bilang sama temen gue, "Ati-ati lho, mengko ndak motormu njempalik. Dina kan bobote ping lima mu" (Hati-hati ntar motor lo kejungkir. Berat badannya Dina kan lima kali beratmu) sambil ketawa bareng temen - temennya. Sakit emang, tapi gue nggak mau biarin dia tau how hurt his words were. Tapi sejak kejadian itu, gue berhenti ngomong ke dia. Di tempat les juga gue nggak mau nyontekin dia.

Waktu mau UN, ada tradisi di sekolah gue buat minta maaf sama guru - guru dan temen - temen satu angkatan. Tiba - tiba aja Zana dateng ke gue dan minta maaf. I was so mad at him, tapi gimana pun juga dia udah minta maaf. And so, I forgive him. Dengan syarat dia nggak bakal ngelakuin kayak gitu lagi ke gue dan orang lain. When the graduation came, I was too happy to finally celebrate it with my bestfriends.

With my current height, setiap kali gue dateng ke Salatiga dan ketemu temen SD gue, mereka bakal tanya kenapa gue bisa setinggi ini. Dan waktu gue ketemu beberapa bullies gue semasa SMP.. kebanyakan dari mereka udah kerja, bahkan beberapa dari mereka udah nikah. Dan gue? Gue masih bisa kuliah dan ngelanjutin cita - cita gue.

This is it, my fellow friends.

Ketika elo ketemu seseorang, don't be too quick to judge. Everyone has their own struggle. Semua orang punya masalah mereka sendiri. Masalah rumit kehidupan yang nggak lo tau. Berhenti ngebully orang karena kondisi fisik atau mental mereka yang berbeda. They are still human whether they're fat, skinny, short, tall, blonde, smart, dumb. You just have to accept how beautiful this world is with them filling it. Nggak akan ada kata 'pintar' tanpa ada kata 'bodoh' untuk dibandingkan.

Stop bullying. Stop being a pathetic person. Hargain orang lain. Treat people exactly the way you wanna be treated. Stop being a douchebag and calling them names. Mulailah menghargai perbedaan yang ada di sekitar lo.

Dan buat kalian di luar sana yang mengalami bullying, STAND UP! Tunjukan pada semua orang menyedihkan yang selalu ngejek lo bahwa elo bisa ngelakuin sesuatu yang mereka pikir nggak akan bisa lo lakuin. STAY STRONG! It will get better eventually. Penderitaan lo akan berhenti. Percaya sama gue, suatu saat elo bakal ngerasain yang namanya bahagia. TELL SOMEONE! Cerita sama seseorang biasanya ngebantu gue buat get better. Perasaan bakalan jadi lebih lega setelah kalian cerita. Don't just bottle it up. Speak up, tell your bestfriends, tell your parents, tell your teachers, tell anyone!

Remember, everyone is beautiful with their own ways. You absolutely have no rights to judge them. Like, who the hell are you? God? Hah.

BULLYING IS PATHETIC.

Cheers,

Dina

Good luck! Jangan lupakan kami :)

Your birthday, remember? :)

Kita slalu berpendapat

Kita ini yang terhebat

Kesombongan di masa muda yang indah

Okay, hello!!!

This is super late but I just really need to post this one. Why? Because it’s a gift. Sounds strange but actually, this is all I’ve got. So, Alfian Dana Susilo Aji, I dedicate this post for you, buddy.

Jaman - jaman UAS kemaren. Sempet banget foto selfie

Okay, where should I start?

Awal pertemuan kita. Aku mikir, “nih anak sok cool banget dih, malesin” hahaha tapi emang ternyata kamu orangnya sayu gimana gitu ya. Meskipun gitu, I just feel so … connected to you. Beberapa gelas kopi di warung Bu Tarno dan berbungkus – bungkus rokok kemudian, kita jadi deket. Gosh, gak nyangka bisa sedeket ini.

AlBitra JeChafid DiNaFis; Alfian, Maybitra, Jessy, Chafid, Dita, Dina, and Nafis. Yang awalnya main bareng di kos Rezky sampe malem terus semenjak kamu sama Bitra mulai kos di Pleburan, it sure looked like our basecamp. Gila ya, dari pulang kuliah sampe maghrib bisa aja gitu main di kos doing nothing but laughing like idiots.

Aku raja kau pun raja

Aku hitam kau pun hitam

Arti teman lebih dari sekedar materi

Nyanyi lagu Sahabat Sejati nya Sheila On 7 bareng, makan bareng, ribut gara – gara masalah sepele. Hahaha nggak nyangka kita bisa segila itu kalo kumpul bareng. Banyak banget kenangan yang kita laluin bareng. Kamu juga yang dulu sering nganterin aku pulang selesai latihan teater padahal rumahku jauh banget dari kosmu.

FBB Fun Camp 2013! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MEMORY!

Mungkin kata – kata yang aku tulis disini gak masuk akal buat kamu Al. Tapi jujur, aku udah kangen saat – saat kita main bareng bertujuh. Sendirian emang nggak asik, tiap kali ketemu kamu sama temen – temen yang lain, aku ngerasa kayak aku berubah (tapi bukan jadi power ranger atau sailor moon loh hahaha), aku jadi lebih ‘lepas’. More alive. Setiap candaan yang pernah ada di antara kita, those inside jokes we silently agreed to be our secret, semua sebel – sebelan, segalanya bakal jadi kenangan indah di buku cerita kita masing – masing.

Remas sayapku, jangan pernah lepaskan

Bila ku ingin terbang

Terbang meninggalkanmu

Thank you, Al. Terima kasih sudah datang ke kehidupanku, kehidupan kami. Sumpah ini nggak kerasa banget tiba – tiba udah semester 2 aja. Jujur, I’m having a hard time to convince my self; ini keputusanmu, buat masa depan kamu, sahabatku sendiri. Jadi, mau nggak mau ya aku harus nerima kenyataan. It is a lot to take in but I just … I don’t want you to go and then forget us. :(

Pasti inget dong kalimat ini “dimana ada perjumpaan disitu pula ada perpisahan”. Aku cuma nggak nyangka aja kalo perpisahan kita bakal secepet ini. Bukan berarti aku sedih terus – terusan, justru di titik ini aku berterima kasih sama Gusti Allah karena udah bisa kenal kamu dan yang lainnya sebagai sahabatku. Temen di saat susah, seneng, gatheli, koplak, temen yang selalu ada buat aku.

Kami sayang kamu, Mas Ndana!

So,this is it … I guess.Kamu jaga diri di kota yang baru yaa. Sing genah kuliah, ora usah mikir cewek terus, eling wong tuomu, le hahaha. Semoga kamu bisa dapet yang kamu mau di univ barumu nanti.

Follow your heart, it will lead you to your happiness.

Demi bermain bersama, kita duakan segalanya

Merdeka kita,

Kita merdeka

Jangan lupakan kami, sahabat. Jangan biarkan jarak yang membentang menjadi penghalang kita untuk tetap stay in touch. Pokoknya harus kasih kabar! Sms kek, BBM, facebook, twitter, skype, apapun! Kapan – kapan kita main ke Klaten yaa. Kamu juga jangan terus lupa sama Semarang. Sesekali main, ketemuan sama kita, gokil – gokilan bareng lagi. :)

Last day of orientation. Aku bahkan belum hafal nama anak - anak x)

I wish you tons of luck. We will miss you, Alfian Dana a.k.a Al a.k.a Mas Ndana a.k.a Alexander (inside joke never gets old huahahahahaha).

Tak pernah kita pikirkan

Ujung perjalanan ini

Tak usah kita pikirkan ujung perjalanan ini

Dan tak usah kita pikirkan

Ujung perjalanan ini

Cheers,

Dina

Hey "Life"!

Holla!

I know it's been quiet long time since my last post but I promise you guys, I will be posting my new story very soon. So please, bear with me!

Today I'd like to talk about "Life".

Common topic, really. Why I choose this one? Well, last night I was on my Ask.fm page and some anon asked me an unique question; what is the definition of "Life"?

So, this was my answer (please keep in mind that I don't really like giving long-rambling kind of answer):
Life is an endless labyrinth, unexpected journey. you never know when you gonna meet the end. sure, everyone wants to escape this "labyrinth" but in the end of the day, you can't. just enjoy it.

And in here I'd like to explain it more. For you whom already read my post Looking For Alaska, this post will related a lot to that post, so I really hope you guys gonna understand this post.

Why am I calling "Life" as a labyrinth?

Because you never know what this life has in store for you. You don't know your future. All you can do is just living it day by day, memorize every beautiful and heart-breaking moments in your life. That's exactly like labyrinth. When you get stuck in labyrinth, you have to find your way out. Of course it's not easy. Who the hell says life is easy?

You know, sometimes when we think we are so close to get out from the labyrinth that only means we actually far from it. Mind blowing, really. My suggestion is that, keep your focus but have some fun. You can't be always-serious type of person. I mean, come on, being serious is okay, we all need it sometimes but too serious? Ain't got time for have fun!

So well, that's all, I guess. I'm starving now, gotta go. See ya soon!


Cheers,
Dina

Shhh, keep it silent!

Guten Tag!!!

I’m on my way to say more than a ‘hello’ in German. Yessszzzzuuhhh!

How are you guys doing today? I really hope you guys doing okay because I am. Anyway, sorry for not posting any writings before this. I mean, I did try but then the idea was gone and those pending posts are ended up in my draft. So well, sorry, told ya I’m really suck to stick to one idea.

Alright, so uhm, I moved on from that guy (let’s not talk about that). And it was good to finally say good bye after several debate I was having with my self. I feel free, somehow.

Right at this moment, I’m kind of falling for my bestfriend. Holy fudge, this is happening again for God’s sake. But looking back to where we first met until now –it’s not love at the first sight, we actually really close. Sure, our friendship mostly about us insulting each other, threaten each other, and of course laughing together. And it was a lot of laughing, let me tell you. He always treats me differently from the others. Like, he gave me some hints.. I’m not so sure. I don’t want to assume anything that will lead me to hope more. It just.. a lot to take in, I guess.

He is such a funny guy. He doesn’t take anything too serious and just make sure to have fun with his decisions. For someone who’s old enough to make his own decision, he’s sure one of those who prefer to be chill-type of guy. Seriously, I can spend all day just to tell you how unique he really is. But I’ll make my self clear here, I won’t mention any name, so let just say, you guys know him :)

I’ve learned so many things with my previous relationships. One thing that I’m sure; I have to keep it on a down low. That means not many people know about my feeling. Why is that? I don’t know. Some people in my life who constantly showed off their relationships often end up with a goodbye, a break up.

However, this is difficult. I mean, hiding my own feeling in front of a guy I often meet? That’s a bit harder than the last time I was in the same situation .. or maybe it’s a lot harder. I just want to shout, y’know? Tell him how crazy I’d be without him by my side. Tell him that I could be a good girlfriend.

But I can’t. Women can’t just say “hey, I love you, let’s dating?” to men. I don’t want to people look at me and say, “oh hey, look! That’s a girl who just asked a guy out last week. Slut, huh?” right in front of my face. That’d be so embarrassing, don’t you think? Also, let just imagine for a moment that I really tell him about my feeling but he doesn’t feel the same.

Awkward alert.

So, this time, I didn’t tell too many people. That’s first. I also trying my best to act normal infront of him so he won’t suspect anything (even I’m dying to get him notice me).

How about you guys? Have you ever had feeling for your bestfriends? How did you deal with it? Tell them with a risk there’ll be an awkward situation? … or you just keep your mouth shut but you know there’ll be pain in your chest?

Cheers,

Dina