A woman's little note

Dear friend, I had a crazy week. It started when I had this fight with one of my bestfriend and then the others just kind of involed. But then we made up and we're good now. Then  I met up with some of my bestfriends from high school, Anita and Ziah. It was really good to see them even it was just 2 hours of chatting nonsense. I'm looking forward to meet them more often, really. To be honest, I'm kind of happy right now and I don't know why. It just feels right. One of my bestfriend from high school, Ekka (who I often call as Emak or Bunda) just got in to the police academy. I am truly happy for her. She'd been spent her entire year to get in shape and now she got in to the academy. I'm not saying this because I'm envy, no. The truth is I'm just so glad she got in, it was her dream. College was fine this week. I came late almost everyday because the main road is being repaired but other than that, it's all good. Maybe it was because we had...

I want to tell my parents. I really do. But I can’t. I can’t imagine what my mom’s gonna feel if I tell her that her only one daughter is suicidal. It just.. I don’t know, I don’t want want to hurt her. She is my most favorite person in the whole world. And to think she’ll be hurt by just telling that.. I rather keep my mouth shut. Some people would like to tell the others about how they feel. But I just can’t. I keep lying to everyone and saying “I’m okay” most of times. Yeah, I probably should stop doing that. Do you know what worse than not having a single friend? To be ignored by everyone you love. That’s really bad. I mean, I care about them. Maybe I just wrong. I always thinking that everyone has positive side, I also love too much. It’s like I’ve put a piece of my heart in their hands. And when they ignoring me, I feel like they just throw my heart away. It seems like no one appreciates my love for them. And it hurts so much. It hurts me mentally. Maybe you can...

Dear friend, I need to write something. It's like I can go crazy without writing these down. Did you ever feel like everyone blaming you for everything? I mean, not everyone, maybe just people around you that declared them selves as your closest friends. Why is life can't be fair? It is hurts enough to hear or know what people really think about you. Maybe this letter is kind of nonsense, I'm sorry. I just feel so mad and upset and sad, I don't even know how that can happen. Mixed emotions. The thing is everyone, every-fucking-one, expects me to be honest. They want me to tell them about what I truly feel. When in fact, I can't. I'm so used to this, you know? Bottle up everything and just take it for my self so people won't see me as a miserable bitch who needs attention. I need attention, yes, of course I do. I'm a human too, I have feelings. But it seems like everyone thinks it is okay to step on them, to hurt my feelings. I love too much, ...

Alright, let me break it down to you. I hate hospital, period. It just so not me. I mean, I know I'm depressed sometimes, but hospitals? I hate them with passion. Hospitals are full of worried people with down faces, tears, there also a lot of mourning people. It's noisy, not a good noisy of course, it's kind of annoying sounds. The smell isn't nice, it just like when you go to the pharmacies and you can smell all that medicines- it just not good. It's also rush, like, everything just 'snap! snap! snap!'. We can lose something in the blink of the eyes. White colour is everywhere. The walls, the coats, the floors, almost everything! Isn't white supposed to be a relaxing colour? Then why do I feel like it's not? It's funny because people believe the doctors can heal anything. For God's sake, they're not God. They're just goddamn doctors! Yes, they do know a lot about health and all that stuff but when God decides something, we...

Hello, apa kabar? Gue baru aja selesai baca novel The Perks of Being a Wallflower  yang bener - bener nyentuh banget. I highly suggest you all to read the novel even though you've watched the movie.  Dan dari situ gue udah mutusin buat ngebuat Friday Letter. Jadi setiap hari Jum'at, gue bakal nulis surat yang entah buat siapa di blog ini. Hal ini gue lakuin semata - mata karena ini bisa jadi semacam terapi pribadi buat gue supaya nggak terlalu memendam emosi. Semua surat bakal diawali dengan Dear friend.   This is my first time so, idk. Enjoy? ***** Dear friend, My name is Dina. It's sounds 'dee-na' because I live in Indonesia. And I'll tell you one thing about my country; it is nice but it is not too nice. I wrote this letter because I don't know what to do to find some release for all my emotions. I constantly have this breakdowns and I often cry and I just don't know how to deal with them. Maybe writing letters like this could help.. ...

How's life, my friends? I'm sorry for my absence. Last month was such a busy month. Our theatre organization just finished a production entitled " LIT ". I was one of the cast. And yeah, it was really difficult to find free time just to write and say hi to all of you. But heeeyy, at least I'm writing now. Alright so, it's May already.. And the truth is I'm not that excited. I even wish I could skip this month. But then again, I live in the real world. I can't just skip a month like that, can I?  Why do I want to skip May? Because I'll turn 18 this month. Okay, some of you maybe confused; why? Honestly? I don't want to get older. I know that my reason is silly but seriously you guys, I really don't want that right at this moment. As I get older, people will expect... things from me. They'll expect me to 'grow up', more wiser, more 'adult'. These things are just.. I don't know. I can't find the exact ...